


I'm here for you

by Writelikethat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst, Coffee Shop Owner Gabriel, Eventual Smut, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gay Castiel, Gay Sex, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Sam Winchester, M/M, Protective Dean, Self Confidence Issues, Shy Castiel, hallucinating Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-16
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-26 16:28:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5011732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writelikethat/pseuds/Writelikethat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is working hard to protect his brother, even if it costs more than he can afford, he still make it happen. Every morning he has coffee, and he has doubts about making friends, but the easy going guy behind the counter makes it hard to stay away, as does his pretty brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To see who you are

”What am I even doing here?” Castiel whined.

“You are here because our beloved father is celebrating his sixtieth birthday, and we are all obligated to show our pretty faces, or we won't inherit shit.” His brother Gabriel rolled his eyes and dried the bench with a cloth. 

Gabriel owned one of the most popular coffee shops in town and even if it wasn’t what their father had hoped for him, Gabe never actually cared. He bought the place and made a name for himself. It was good money in a coffee shop when you had the right location. Close by the marina, the subway, as well as a university and a hospital, he had work in spades. Their father couldn't even complain anymore. 

It was still early and Cas had come by after his morning run and because Gabriel had convinced him he needed to go get a gift for their father. While Cas was in town he stayed with his brother and since they didn’t see each other too often they wanted to make the most of it. 

The place were already crawling with people and all the window tables were already filled. There was a steady stream of people coming in to get coffees to go. Gabriel also sold cookies, cakes and different types of pastries. Cas sat back and watched his brother handle his customers. Some of them were clearly familiar to him, while others were new to the place. Even if Cas knew how his brother could be, teasing and always making fun of others, he was clearly highly liked around here. Gabe laughed and flirted with almost anyone, either they were college students, mothers or fathers, or old charming ladies. Cas envied him that, he never took the chance on flirting with anyone, and Gabe wouldn’t let him forget it. His brother always shook his head at his shyness, but Cas couldn’t help it, it didn't feel natural to him. 

After the morning rush Gabriel sat down with Cas and told him he should move back into town. 

“It’s not the same without you.” 

“You have lots of friends, Gabe. Don’t know what difference me being here would make.” 

“You are my brother.”

“I am far from your only brother.” Cas told him, and they both rolled their eyes. There were two more of them somewhere in the world. Gabriel and Cas was the ones closest to each other.

Gabriel was just about to give Cas a lesson about how much better this town was for getting a date. He insisted that people stood in line all the time to get a date, and Cas had totally good enough looks to make people go wild. Cas wanted to tell him that even if people stood in line at his coffee shop, didn’t mean they actually stayed in line to get a date, but Gabe cut him off. 

“Speaking of. I’ve been trying to figure this one out over the last two months.” Gabe whispered to his brother before standing up and walking over to the counter. 

Cas looked over as the door opened with a little sound from the bell. He was dressed in a pair of well worn jeans hanging low on narrow hips. He had a gray t-shirt under a shirt and then a jacket. Cas stared at the layers of clothing on broad shoulders and knew he had to be strong. He looked like a fighter, the kind of guy you could picture wearing a gun. Then Cas lifted his eyes to take in his face and swallowed. Even from a distance he could see the guy had a pretty face. He looked like he rarely smiled, but his eyes were light instead of dark, he came across as someone deep in thought. His cheek had a stubble and paired with full lips Cas had to force himself to look the other way to stop staring.

The guy ordered a coffee, black and placed his money on the counter instead of handing them into Gabriel’s hand. 

“So where are you headed today, Dean?” Gabriel asked pleased that he had learned the guys name a few weeks back. 

“Work.”

“Which is?”

“Hot.” Dean answered with just a ghost of a smile on one side of his mouth. Obviously he didn’t give away much for free.

“Anything else I can get you? A donut, pie, date?” 

Dean froze in his tracks as he was about to turn around. He stared at Gabriel for a moment. 

“Are you asking me out on a date?” His voice was low and didn’t give away anything whether he was annoyed or amused. Cas was certain Gabriel had offended the guy, and offending someone like that was rarely a good idea. 

“I mean… I could if you’re up for it, but I was talking in general. Working here I meet a lot of nice chicks, and guys for that matter.” Gabriel delivered without even raising a brow. 

Dean lifted his cup with a not-really –there –chuckle on one side of his lips. 

“I’m good, thanks. See you later, Gabriel. Maybe I’ll take you up on the offer for pie then we’ll see about that date.” He walked outside without looking around and Cas stared in shock at his brother. How could he do that? Not knowing the guy, what if he had decided to punch him instead of walking away?

Gabriel just laughed at him. 

“Told you! Impossible to get anything from him. I spent weeks trying to get his name.”

“Why are you so obsessed with him?” Cas asked. He could pick out a number of reasons of course, but he wasn’t going to mention that. 

“I am good at figuring out people, but this one, when he first came in here I didn’t even take the chance to say anything other than what is required to get his order.”

Cas chuckled and had a hard time believing Gabriel had trouble talking to anyone. 

“At least when I started to talk to him he responded, but his answers don’t give away anything.”

“So what is really his work?”

Gabriel shrugged and got up as the door opened again. “No idea. I tell you that guy is interesting. I even think I saw a tattoo on his arm. Cas, go find something for our dad, something expensive and useless.”

Cas didn’t know what else to do than walk down the street. Gabriel had pointed in a general direction of some stores with ‘useless crap’ before hushing Cas outside. While he spent the time walking down the road he knew from when he grew up he realized that he actually missed it. He liked it there and wanted to stay. It wasn’t like his work was necessary for Cas, no matter what he did, he would still have more than enough money since his parents lived that kind of life. 

They had grown up four brothers in a household of housekeepers, cooks and other staff. As they grew up, one by one, all of them moved away. The oldest one, Balthazar had moved to Europe. Nick, or Lucifer which most of them called him, had disappeared, but Gabriel heard from him once in a while. Gabriel had traveled for a while but then bought this place and moved back home. Castiel was the youngest and had not moved very far, but still, he was in another town.  
Cas knew it seemed like they didn’t like each other, and sometimes they didn’t, but it was more that they wanted to explore. From they were born and until their parents no longer took their decisions there was someone in their life that had total control. After that, all of them just needed some air and thankfully they had the chance. Their father wasn’t the most pleasant man, but all of the sons adored their mother. 

***

Cas had planned to stay in town for two weeks, but on the fourth day he was already a bit bored. He wanted to do something more than hang around. Gabriel started to show him how to operate some of the equipment at his coffee shop when there was a moment with few customers and Cas found he liked it. 

He was there early the next days and hoped to see Dean again. He hadn’t been there the last time the guy showed up, but this time he was. Dean was dressed pretty much the same as last, and he walked up to the counter without looking around and ordered his coffee, black. 

“When are you going to taste one of my fancy coffees? It’s what I’m here for.”

“It’s not coffee.”Dean told him and Cas had to bite his lip not to laugh out loud at the offended look on his brothers face. 

“Careful now. I’ll charge extra for your coffee today.” Gabe grumbled and Cas wondered if the wrinkles on the side of Dean’s eyes were from amusement.

“Did I say something wrong?” There was definitely amusement in his eyes and Cas found it absolutely beautiful. 

“You know what? Don’t offend my coffee when you haven’t even tried it!” Gabriel told him in a stern voice and met his eyes. Dean let his head fall down and Cas thought it was to hide his smile even though actually seeing a smile on that face was not possible. 

“Fine, make me one of those fancy coffees, but if I don’t like it I’ll get a piece of pie for free.” Dean told him in a very serious tone. Gabriel flashed a smile and turned to make his coffee. Dean leaned on the counter looking expectantly at the different pies on display while he waited. 

“Hey, Dean. What are you up to on Friday?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“I’m having a party.” Gabriel told him, still with his back to him. 

Cas saw his brothers face and saw him smile a little and he wondered what he was up to. Cas watched Dean who never looked his way. A part of Cas thought that Dean was aware of anyone in the room without having to look directly, though.

“And what does that have to do with my weekend?” Dean asked a little bit curious. 

Gabriel turned and put the smallest take away cups in front of Dean and grinned at the dubious look on the guys face. 

“You don’t do parties?” Gabriel asked in surprise. 

“I don’t know you.” Dean stated and lifted his cup to sniff at it, he didn’t look like it was the worst smell. The way his eyes lingered on Gabriel while he lifted his cup made Cas mouth go dry with nerves and jealousy.

“Here’s my address. No pressure, just so you know about it. I throw amazing parties and I promise there will be a lot of tipsy women hanging off your arm.”

Dean actually chuckled at that. The first audible sign of humor and Gabriel grinned back. Dean walked out after that, but had put the address in his back pocket before leaving. Gabriel winked at his brother who came to stand next to him. 

“You should try and talk to the guy. The way you are staring is kind of creepy, even for you.” Gabe teased. 

“I was not staring.” Cas told him even if he knew he had. Gabriel just laughed.”So the sizzling holes in his jacket wasn’t from your searing stare?”

Cas gave him an annoyed look.

“Besides, I think he was flirting with you. You know with the coffee and stuff.”

“I think so too, but I don’t think he meant anything by it though.” Gabriel assured. 

Cas had helped his brother set up for the party. There was a lot of booze and cups in the kitchen while the living room was cleared for people to move around. A table was set up to play games and Cas actually started to look forward to the night. He was usually very shy, but by the infliction of alcohol in his system he managed to get past that and have a great time. Their two older brothers had come into town last night, so the party was actually for them, plus their fathers birthday would be celebrated by the family on Sunday. Next weekend was the real party where his father would be celebrated by important people in the society, but Sunday was family dinner. None of them actually looked forward to the dinner, where their father would pick on all of them in turn, so that’s why they tried to have a party on their own before that. 

Before anyone else started to turn up their brothers came with pizza. They had some time to sit around, catching up, having a few shots and beers to get started. When people started to come into the room Gabriel was busy being the host, Lucifer met some of his old friends and Balthazar was already sitting on the couch with a girl in his lap. Cas just rolled his eyes and figured he should talk to some people. He knew a lot of them; he had been to school with many and knew even more from social gatherings at either his own home or their parents. 

Cas didn’t let himself think about it, but he knew he was waiting for Dean to show up. A part of him wanted to know if he would come alone, and if he was able to fit in there. Most of the people around him were the ones with rich parents, and maybe Dean had that too, but he didn’t really look like it. 

It was late and Cas stood by the kitchen talking to a guy who probably was going to throw up if he drank any more. That was when the door opened and Dean let his brown short hair peek inside. He lifted one eyebrow like he was impressed before stepping inside. His gray jeans were clean and he had on a black v-neck t-shirt under a leather jacket that was absolutely giving out some serious hot-dangerous-sex-on-legs vibes. He scanned the room, probably looking for Gabriel, but it wasn’t long before Gabriel’s prediction came true when two girls approached him and pressed their bodies close to his. 

Cas swallowed his jealousy. The man with a delicious scruff, anyone would go crazy for him. Cas turned into the kitchen where Lucifer was sitting on the table encouraging someone to down their beers. Gabriel was in there as well looking like he was on top of the world. Even if he was small in regards of his brothers he could still manage to control this party, if anything got out of hand he knew how to handle it. When Dean came into the kitchen Cas had dragged himself up on the kitchen bench beside Gabriel. He saw Dean nod at Gabriel as he came closer. Did that guy never smile a real smile? 

“Nice place.” He told him. 

“Glad you could make it. Have you found anything to drink yet?”

Dean held up a beer. A woman came up beside him and Gabriel grinned wide. 

“Told you!” He said loud and laughed. Dean huffed and wiggled his eyebrows. 

“What makes you so sure you got it right?”

“Got what right?” 

“About the women.” Dean said and Gabriel leaned back against the bench. He told the man it was because Dean looked dangerous. There was a pause where Lucifer wanted to be introduced to the new guy, and he forced two shots on Dean, which he downed fast and handed back the glasses. Lucifer nodded in approval and got back to his friends who still competed in drinking fastest.

“You think you know people, don’t you?” Dean asked and ignored the flirting from the blond woman by his side. 

“I know I do.” Gabriel corrected him. 

“You are the same you know. The nosy ones get a job like yours, or they are working with cutting peoples hair.”

“Is that so? Then what did I miss?”

Dean let his eyes run over Gabriel before taking a deep breath. 

“Nothing really. You probably know a lot about people, that’s why you throw great parties.”

Gabriel growled something about why he had to insult him every time they met, and Dean chuckled low. 

“I’m not insulting you. You are just used to get your way.”

Gabriel gaped at that and Cas put a hand over his mouth not to laugh out loud, he could feel Dean sending a quick glance in his general direction, but he wasn’t really looking. Dean was absolutely spot on, and somehow he didn’t even sound condescending. He was merely stating a fact. 

“You’re not very nice.”

“Tell me if I’m wrong. You are privileged, but work hard at your shop; you have these parties because sometimes you get bored. Pretty girls are your main thing, but you also go to bed with a guy if the mood strikes.”

“So you think I’m gay?” Gabriel laughed loud and happy that Dean finally got it wrong. 

“No. You just want to spice things up now and again. The pretty boy over there, though, is gay.” Dean said and nodded in Cas’ direction. Cas froze and stared at Dean with wide eyes when he lifted his eyes to meet his. Dean’s eyes were green and teasing as he looked at him and Cas had to swallow hard. Gabriel turned to look at his brother with a wide grin and turned back at Dean. 

“You are right about that. And I guess you don’t just go for the pretty girls on your arm since you called Cas here a pretty boy.”

Dean shrugged his shoulders and grabbed a shot from the table where Lucifer was. Cas still wasn’t able to move much and he gave Gabriel a hard look when he opened his mouth to say something. Thankfully there was a crash in the living room and Gabriel was gone. Dean came to lean against the bench next to Cas. 

“You know Gabriel well?”

“Yes, have known him all my life. And I have to say, you have figured the guy out, like… really.” Cas said and leaned forward with his elbow on his knees. 

“Is he pissed at me?”

Cas shook his head. “He makes so much fun of people he has to take it when someone gets back at him.”

“What about you?”

“Me?”

“Yeah. Are you pissed at me?” Dean looked at him. When he was close Cas could see a sprinkle of freckles over his nose and cheek. His eyes were unnaturally green and Cas had trouble remembering Dean was waiting for a replay. 

“No, why would I be? You were right of course.” Cas told him and grabbed a bottle of vodka and took a swig from it. 

“Good.” And Cas wasn’t sure what was good; that Cas wasn’t pissed or that he was gay?

 

Dean mingled with the people in the living room for a while and Cas tried to keep his obsession at bay. He slowed on the drinking when his head started to spin. When he walked past some people to get to his bedroom on the other side of the apartment someone pushed him in the side and grabbed his ass. 

“Watch it!” Cas said and turned around just to meet a pair of offended eyes. 

“Cassie, don’t be rude. After all you are the one that should watch it with that perky ass of yours.”

“Tom, give it a rest.” Cas said tiredly. He had avoided the guy since high school and of course he had to bump into him just as he called it a night. 

“Oh, you know you like it.” The guy said and crowded his space. “So sweet.” He breathed and let a hand run over his ass again. Cas pushed him back and Tom would have fallen if he hadn’t caught Cas’ wrist. But now his eyes had gone cold and Cas sighed inwardly. Tom had always found a way to make him feel like shit. 

“You shouldn’t do that, Cassie. We all know how you like to take it up the ass.” Tom came closer and Cas planted his hands on the guys chest about to push again. Tom was faster and let go of his wrist with a push backwards. Cas stumbled a few steps before he crashed into another firm body. For a moment he was afraid it was one of Tom’s friends that would help him hold Cas while he threw punches. A pair of strong hands grabbed his arms to help him stay on his feet and Cas tried to rip himself out of his grip. He had one guy behind him and Tom coming closer in front of him. Cas really didn’t want to show up to family dinner with a black eye. 

“Tom, come on. Let’s forget about it.” Cas said but Tom grinned wickedly. 

“No can do, Cas. It has been quiet while you have been away. You shouldn’t have come back; this town doesn’t need more of that.” Tom’s voice was slurry and threatening. 

Cas saw him lift a hand and automatically pressed himself to the wall of a body behind him when the fist moved in his direction. He squeezed his eyes shut when he felt the guy behind him tense and he just waited for the inevitable blow to his face. Nothing happened. Suddenly the grip on his arms loosened and when he heard a moan in pain and a crash Cas opened his eyes. Dean stood in front of him while Tom was on the floor covering his nose with one hand. 

Gabriel came into the room staring from Tom to Dean and before he could do anything Balthazar leaned over to tell Gabriel what happened. His eyes grew dark as he walked over to Tom. Dean didn’t wait to see what happened; he just turned around to look at Cas. 

“You okay?”

“Yeah. You didn’t have to do that.”

“You kind of didn’t give me a choice when you pressed up against me like that.” Dean told him and Cas huffed a nervous laugh. 

“Why didn’t you duck? It’s stupid to just stand there and take it.” Dean told him and Cas stared at him with an annoyed pout. 

“That pout is weirdly attractive.”Dean said only loud enough for Cas to hear. Before he could respond Dean placed a hand under his jaw and tilted his head up. Then he leaned in and pressed his full lips to Cas’. It was over far too soon and Cas stared up in green eyes that were so much softer than he could have ever believed was possible in a hard face like Dean’s. 

“See you around, Cas.” Dean said and then he was gone.


	2. Brother, brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean goes to see his brother

Dean was laying in bed going over what happened that night. First of all he wasn’t sure why he even went to the party. It wasn’t like he knew Gabriel. He found the guy funny and nice when he was at the shop and liked their light teasing, but he didn’t know him. But truth be told; Dean was a little bit lonely. He had only been to town for two months, and it had been a while since he went anywhere except to a bar or a club. Even if he went home with someone he hadn’t made friends, mostly because he didn’t think he would stay long enough. He was used to be a drifter.

Then he kissed the pretty, dark haired guy. Damn, was he a temptation! All bed hair and impossible blue eyes with a lean body so obviously strong. Dean wanted to get to know the guy, like, spend time with him, go out on a date and of course get him naked and really explore his body. But like most of the things in Dean’s life, when he got serious thoughts about something, he tended to back away and run in the opposite direction.

Dean didn’t go to the shop until Monday. The place was crowded as always. Gabriel was at the counter and Cas was placing pastries on display. Dean had seen him there before, but never working. Even if he had spent some time during the weekend thinking about the guy, not all appropriate thoughts, he couldn’t let it show in there. 

“Dean, what can I get you? Still up for my amazing coffees?”

“Sure, make me a good one. Not a latte-crap-full-of-sugar-taste-stuff.” He said firmly. 

Gabriel just laughed and started brewing. “So, where are you headed today?”

“Work.” Dean answered, still not sharing much.

“And how’s your work?”

“Still hot.” He muttered while he dug around in his pocket for money. 

“So you’re what, a stripper?”

Dean looked up and his face turned amused. “Sure, why not?”

He watched Gabriel check him out and for a moment he wondered if maybe he had read the signals from the guy all wrong. Dean didn’t think that he was the type for Gabriel, even if he flirted with him. He figured that was just something Gabriel used to do. 

“You definitely got the body.” Gabriel finally said. 

“Are you actually complimenting my body now? Gabe!” Dean uttered and was met with a grin he was tempted to return. Dean picked up his coffee and told him good bye. He winked at Cas as he turned to walk outside.

“See you tomorrow.” He heard Gabriel call after him. 

Dean wouldn’t be there the next day. By that evening he was on the road with a duffle bag by his side. He was singing along with some classic rock tunes and tapping the rhythm on the steering wheel. 

It was late before Dean rolled into the city he was visiting. He took in on a motel and settled with beer and a burger at a local diner. He had been to the same place before and the middle aged woman who worked there obviously recognized him. 

“You want some coffee, dear?” She said and poured into his cup before he could say something.

“Are you here on business or what’s your deal?” She leaned against the booth with friendly curiosity in her face. Dean met her eyes and felt tired.

“I don’t know yet.” He told her honestly. Something in his eyes must have tipped her off because she just gave him a nod before she walked away. 

 

Dean was up early the next morning having breakfast at the same diner. He waited till ten before taking off and walked over to a clean apartment building. In the reception he talked to a woman with a soothing voice and an easy smile. Her eyes were hidden behind shades to cover up an injury that made her blind. 

“He’s so lucky to have you, Dean. No one at this place gets visited as often as your brother.” She said with a fond smile.

“Yeah, well, he’s my family and also my responsibility.” Dean told her. In truth he hated that Sam had to stay there and he visited him as often as possible to stave off the guilt. He also liked spending time with his brother, so he couldn’t say he did it all because of him. Family was important to Dean, and Sam was all he got.

“He has been waiting for you.”

“I know. How is he?” Dean bit his lip. 

“Lately he has been very calm, but in the last week or so his “visions” have occurred more often.” 

Dean had his bag hanging over his shoulder as he knocked on a white door with the number four in silver hanging at eye level. He heard steps form the other side of the door and guessed his brother tossed around barefoot. The door opened and the tall and strong guy towered over him. A genuine smile that pulled out his dimples broke across his face and he let out a happy short laugh.

“Dean! You’re here!” 

Dean visited almost every week and sometimes wondered if his brother didn’t like this place because of how happy he sounded every time he showed up. 

Dean was dragged inside and he was familiar with the room. It was clean and felt a little naked. A TV and a stereo were screwed into the floor and around them nothing was made of material that could hurt someone. Sam had a shelf filled with books of any kind. 

“I’ve brought you something, Sammy.” Dean said and let the bag drop to the floor. He picked out a leather Pouch and handed it over to his brother.

“You’ve made me more?” He grinned and that was another reason Dean loved being with him. Sam smiled so easily, despite his temper and reputation, he smiled and grinned for the small things. Dean thought it was because Sam managed to see that the little stuff was important in this world, and they should know that it mattered. 

“That I did.” 

Sam picked up the items like they were precious and watched each one without saying anything. 

“This one!” Sam held out a tiny book between his thumb and index finger. He turned it over and smiled. 

Dean had made it out of glass. In his job he made sculptures of glass and sometimes after work used the remaining of the liquid glass to make small stuff for his brother. Sam loved them and because they made him happy it was the only reason he got to have some of them in his room. Dean had threatened to take Sam out of the place when it first was denied, because he couldn’t live with Sam sitting around in his room feeling institutionalized. 

Sam lived in a building which gave him a feeling of independence and privacy. In reality it was guarded and filled with nurses and psychologists. It was expensive so Dean spent most of his money paying for the place, but for Sam to feel like he could have something for himself he’d gladly do it. Outside the institution were a garden and some other buildings with a library and a cafeteria. 

For years Sam and Dean lived by themselves and handled stuff as they happened, Dean knew how his brother could be, but he never thought anything serious would happen. One day when Dean was at work Sam had gone outside to read in the park. That was when Dean had gotten the call from the local police telling him that his brother had attempted to murder a man by strangling him. Dean had dropped everything and driven to the station just to see his brother sitting in the interrogation room, huddled over, looking confused and scared. Dean was stopped when he tried to fight his way into the room with his brother. 

“You can’t go in there. He is not sane at the moment.”

“The hell he is! You have to have the wrong guy!” Dean said, really working hard to keep control over his voice. 

Dean knew it wasn’t a mistake, but he was desperate. His brother had always been angry. Their father had tried to teach them to take care of themselves like soldiers on the run. And when he on top of that blamed Sam for the fire their mother died in when he was six months old; Sam was doomed. Of course he would turn into a dangerous weapon! 

Dean forced his thoughts away and urged his brother to put on some socks so they could go outside and grab something to eat. Sam was allowed to walk outside the place as long as someone was with him at all times. Dean had gotten instructions of what to do if anything happened when Sam first moved in, but he didn’t really pay attention. He knew his brother, so he knew how to handle him if something should happen. 

At a café Sam ordered a fancy coffee and Dean did the same, just to get a weird look from his brother. 

“Since when do you drink anything else than black macho coffee?” He chuckled and Dean shrugged his shoulders. 

“Since last week.” Dean said and told him about Gabriel and his coffee shop. 

“So is he hot?”

“What, who?” Dean glared at Sam’s teasing smile. He loved times like this, when he felt like they were brothers again. Back to really knowing each other. 

“Gabriel. Sounds like you two have a thing going.”

Dean shook his head with a grin as the coffees came to their table. 

“I actually went to a party at his house, but then I kissed his brother.”

“You what?” Sam laughed, a bit too loud so people around them turned to look, but Dean didn’t even notice. “You are one mean guy, Dean.” Sam told him, still chuckling. 

The whole day was just for the two of them. They didn’t do much. Walked around the city, visited a park, feeding the birds and planned the next day. When they got back to the room Sam sat down with a book and Dean watched tv. He couldn’t afford to have one at his place so it was nice to sit down like this. 

This was also the part Dean struggled with. Sam seemed so content at this place, but in Dean’s mind, nothing was really wrong with his brother. He had a rage which few had even seen the beginning of, and he was also very dangerous thanks to their father. But he was so smart, and really such a nice guy; he gladly helped an old lady carry her grocery bags, and comforted a child who cried when they were in the park. 

“Hey, Dean. I talked to her yesterday.” Sam said and Dean felt his heart drop. Then there was this. Dean still wouldn’t say something was wrong with his brother; but even he had to admit that having conversations with their dead mother was a little off from what regular people did. 

“Yeah? What’d she say?”

For a long moment it was quiet. Sam probably stared at Dean, but he couldn’t bring himself to turn around.

“Dean, I need you to look at me.” Sam’s voice was soft and pleading. Dean didn’t stand a chance; it was his little brother for crying out loud. He had to try and make him feel like things were okay.

When he finally turned around Sam looked relaxed and smiled slightly relieved like he was afraid Dean wouldn’t look at him. 

“She told me it wasn’t my fault. The fire.” Sam said tentatively, looking so concerned that Dean realized he was looking for support. For someone to tell him he wasn’t insane, that what she told him was the truth. Dean swallowed. 

“How could the fire ever have been your fault, Sammy? You were barely six months old.” Dean told him in a soft voice; he had learned the hard way that telling him in an annoyed voice was no good. Sam nodded and pressed his lips together. 

“I know, Dean. I know. But… Dad…” He whispered. 

“Hey, hey.” Dean took the step and walked over to the couch and sat beside his gigantic brother and grabbed his hands. 

“Dad was wrong.” Dean tried but Sam shook his head and took deep breaths. He had started doing that even before he was a teenager and Dean knew it was to control his anger. 

“Sammy, look at me. Dad was wrong. Tell me what else mum said to you.” Dean said with a lump in his throat. 

Sam seemed to relax a little at that. “She wanted me to tell her how we escaped the fire. So I did. I told her about how you carried me outside, and how everything changed after that. You know… Dad.” Sam uttered the last word like he was afraid the man would pop up if he said it too loud. 

For a while Dean asked questions about it, what they talked about and how their mother had reacted. Most of it was the same things he had heard before.

Dean had known about his brothers hallucinations for years. They started as dreams when Sam was sixteen. Sam already had trouble with their dad and threw himself into their training and it wasn’t long before he shot better and threw harder punches than Dean who was twenty. It was when Sam started to mention small things like “mum wouldn’t have liked that” and “she always tells me to do good at school” that Dean realized his brothers dreams were something more. 

The hallucinations weren’t dangerous; it was more like Sam tried really hard to hold on to the thought of having a mother. It broke Dean’s heart that Sam had to grow up without a mother, and with a father that didn’t hide the fact that his oldest son was his favorite and that his youngest was the reason for almost everything that went wrong. Dean had tried to compensate for the loss of love Sam had in his life, by loving him even harder, and Sam was truly everything Dean had. He adored his younger brother and all he wanted was for him to feel loved. 

 

After they went to bed Dean was lying on the floor on a mattress next to Sam’s bed. He heard the even breathing of his brother and felt content with the thought of him being safe in there. Their father had died a few years ago. Neither of his sons had much contact with him after Dean stood up to him to protect Sam and they both were told they were no-good-sons. Sam was only twenty when they became alone, but they went by with Dean’s increasing talent for sculpting glass. Sure, he didn’t have much equipment, but he found places that was happy to let him work for a while when they got to see what he could do. 

“Dean. I want you to know… I… um. I know she isn’t real, you know, when I talk to her.”

Dean kept staring at the ceiling. Sam had never said something like that before and Dean had never taken the chance of asking in case it would upset him. 

“How… What?” Dean whispered out into the silent room. 

Sam cleared his throat but for a long time he didn’t say anything. Dean started to think he might have fallen asleep, but his breath was calm and even, the way it is when someone is relaxed, but not asleep. 

“It feels real when I can see her, but then when she’s… well, gone… um. Then I know that it was only a projection of my imagination.” Sam told him and sighed a little. 

“And what does that mean?” Dean asked. He wasn’t sure how to pursue this new territory.

“I think maybe that the hours with the shrink is paying off.” Sam said with amusement in his voice. He still meant it and Dean smiled into the darkness. 

“I’m glad you feel that way.” 

“Yeah, me too. Maybe I’ll be able to leave here sometime.” Sam said warily and Dean’s heart clenched and hurt all over again. 

“I’m sorry you have to stay here, Sammy.” Dean eventually managed to say. He would have taken his brother out of there long ago, but he had to be cleared by several psychologists and nurses before getting to even be able to have a weekend away. Moving out permanently would probably be a long process. 

“No, Dean, it’s fine. I know it’s for the best, and the people here are really nice. Don’t feel bad.” Sam assured. 

Dean felt bad even if his brother told him not to. Sam knew him well enough to know it wasn’t enough to just say he didn’t mind, so he spent the entire next day trying to convince Dean it was all good. He introduced him to a lot of the people working there, then he showed him thoroughly around the area even if Dean had seen it all before. While they had lunch by the river Dean nudged his brother’s shoulder. 

“What do you want to do? You know, when you can move someplace else?” Dean asked carefully but was rewarded with the brightest, dimpled smile. 

“I have been visiting an animal shelter not far from here twice a week for a while now, and I think I’d really want to be working at a place like that.” Sam nodded and Dean gave him a smile. It was hard not to be influenced when his brother was so happy. Sam was probably the only one that got to see Dean smile for real. 

 

Dean used to stay with his brother to three days when he drove over there and he usually left on the evening of the third day. He left Sam on the evening, but he stayed in town for one more night. Dean put his bag on a cheap motel bed before heading out to a bar. Not a fancy one in a good neighborhood, but a dark and crowded one with mostly locals. He never visited the same place twice, but he always knew how to find those places. 

Dean sat down with a beer and a glass of whiskey by his side that the bartender kept refilling whenever he finished. He often played dart or pool with some of the guys there and he had that itch inside that made him bold and maybe a little bit stupid. Dean managed to annoy the guy with the shortest temper, he could play pool and cheat on purpose, to get the guy angry, and before he knew it he was punched in the face. He tried hard to fight back, and his father would have been proud; Dean could really fight. Still, he would let the guy beat him. He needed something to take the edge off his aching inside. 

After seeing Sam again he always felt bad, like he had done something wrong in the past that made his brother so angry, and hallucinating. He needed to forget about his hurting for a while and the only way he knew was getting into a fight. The first punch was always the worst. Pain shattered through his head and made him angry enough to throw back. Usually the other guy was more injured than Dean, but Dean got what he wanted, a distraction. 

This may be a way to distract him, but after the fight he found himself at the bar having one last beer, and he flirted with the bartender, or some of the others in the place. Sometimes the only thing he needed was a good fuck to get his head back together. This time though, he felt his hand shake as he lifted the beer and he battled in his head to go back to the motel. Before he could do that someone put a hand over his shaking one and a rumbling voice asked if he was doing okay. 

“Are you injured?”

Dean just huffed and dismissed the question without even thinking about answering it. It turned out the guy didn’t give in so easily. He hung around until Dean eventually decided to go with him. It wasn’t like anyone would care if he did.  
Dean found himself on his hands and knees holding on to the bed sheets while the guy behind him was pounding hard and fast into him. Dean wanted it like that. He couldn’t look him in the eyes while they fucked, and he wanted it to be rough, so much he would forget about everything else. He grunted and panted, but didn’t let out any sounds of real pleasure until he finally came with a gasp. 

No matter how late it was, Dean never stayed the night. He dressed, told the guy he needed to head home, and never looked back. When Dean was back in his own town the next day, the only evidence of his trip was scrapes at the side of his face and a shiner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have experience with hallucinating or that kind of mental illness, so any mistakes is all mine.


	3. Take the offered friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean makes a tentative attempt at friendship but not everyone is looking to take it slow.

Dean got into work late next day, and let his co-workers make fun of his black eye. He didn’t say anything when they teased him about being too soft to stand up for himself and he never mentioned that his hand had scars as well from hitting the other guy.

He went into the coffee shop late the next morning in hopes that his shiner had reduced a little. He knew that wasn’t the deal, but he ordered a regular black coffee and tried to pretend everything was peachy. Gabriel stared at him with concerned eyes and before putting his coffee down he couldn’t help but ask.

“Dude, what happened to you?” Gabriel openly stared at him.

“What does it look like; I got punched in the face.” Dean explained matter-of-factly.

Gabriel nodded in disbelief. “Well, are you okay?” He finally asked after a moment of staring.

“I’m fucking fantastic.” Dean growled and handed over the money and grabbed his cup. He did see the hurt look on the other man’s face, but he wasn’t going to talk about what he had been up to.

Dean knew the look on Gabriel’s face. Sure he was curious, (and hurt), but he was worried as well. Worried about Dean; worried that he might be in trouble and worried if he were okay. Dean didn’t know how to handle that. From he was a four year old with a crying lump in his arms he had been the one to care; the one to make sure someone else was feeling good. His father may have favored Dean, but he never actually worried about his well being, other than feeding him and making sure he had clothes. The way John Winchester cared about his sons was teaching them how to fight, how to physically fend for themselves. Hugs and soft words were out of the question.

In all his life, Dean had never had any close friends apart from his brother. The two of them were always close and for a long time Dean had believed he didn’t need anyone else. When he went around, taking jobs he often met people he liked, someone he could spent time with, but never really became friends with. The fact that Gabriel actually seemed to worry about his scars made Dean flinch and want to run. He was used to people wondering about his life, and what he did. A lot of people had asked him about his hard posture, and why he always was silent and brooding, but Dean cut them off with a short comment or a dark look. He knew that was out of curiosity, he was a little mysterious so they wanted to know. Gabriel had started out like that too, so Dean didn’t know what was real.

What maybe was an even bigger surprise was the fact the Dean wanted that. He wanted a friend, someone to talk to and have fun with. He didn’t look for a flirt, but a real friendship. Dean sat on the bench, sweat running down his forehead and back from the heat radiating from the several ovens that burned the glass. He worked hard and tried not to turn into a chick for thinking so much about friendship and feelings.

Dean didn’t go into the coffee shop for a few days. He talked to Sam on the phone who called him a pussy for not taking the offered friendship, so eventually he decided to bring a peace offering to the nice man.  
That was why Dean skipped the coffee shop’s morning coffee and drank bland brew at work the entire day. He left for work at a reasonable time with his bag over his shoulder. He stepped into the coffee shop and saw the place filled with mostly college students. Gabriel didn’t hold anything back when the pretty girls flirted with him in the hopes of getting cheap coffee. Dean chuckled as he watched him enjoy the attention. Cas was there as well, standing behind Gabriel and making some of the orders. He was not flirting with anyone and his cheeks were red in an adorable blush.

Gabriel looked up and when he met Dean’s eyes his face turned darker and he closed down. Dean had expected that, so he just stepped up in front of him and put a brown paper bag on the counter. Gabriel stared at him before his eyes flickered to the paper bag.

“What’s this?”

“Guess I just wanted to thank you for your coffee, and great service.” Dean said in a light voice.

Gabriel’s eyes narrowed but Dean just pushed the bag closer to him. Eventually he reached out for it and while he tried to open it Dean looked over at Cas who had turned around looking curiously at them. When their eyes met Cas blushed and turned away fast. Dean watched Gabriel closely as he stared at the glass vase in his hand. It was asymmetrical and had several colors made in a swirling pattern going upwards.

“What is this?” Gabriel asked again and Dean huffed.

“It’s a vase. You can put it over there on top of the cakes; smack some flowers into them and you got yourself some decorations or whatever.” Dean said and tried to ignore the fact that he actually felt nervous about this.

It wasn’t often he made stuff and knew who would get it. Only Sam was given small stuff on a regular basis and Dean knew the boy loved them all. This time he wanted the vase to apologize for his harsh words as well as a chance to start over. But saying all that, would risk him turning into a chick for real.

Gabriel looked up at him again.

“Are you trying to apologize or something?” He asked and Dean met his eyes dead on, holding his gaze, and his jaw set. He refused to answer, but it seemed Gabriel took the hint and eventually smiled.

“That’s cool, buddy. Where’d you get this, anyway? Never seen anything like it.”

Dean breathed out as Gabriel let it go and acted normal again, like it was no big deal, like they both were men.

“I made it.” Dean told him.

“Really? How in hells name can you make something like this?”

“It’s what I do. My job.” Dean said, hoping they could leave it at that. Gabriel chuckled and put it on top of the shelf with some of the cakes like Dean suggested.

“You know what, me and Cassie here are going out to a quiz with some friends tonight, wanna come?” Gabriel asked.

Dean let his eyes wander from Gabriel to Cas and back to Gabriel again before nodding.

“Sure, I can do that.” He said.

That’s how he found himself squeezed into a booth between some girl with red hair and Castiel who sat totally still and seemed perplex that they were pressed so close.  
When their beer came to the table they all grabbed each one. Dean was introduced to the girl beside him whose name was Charlie and her girlfriend Gilda who was really pretty. Their friend Anna was there too. Then there was a slightly paranoid guy named Chuck and a policeman called Victor. It was an unlikely combination of people but after the first introductions they were welcoming towards him. Charlie had insisted he sat down beside him and wanted to know which category he knew the best in the quiz.

“Probably general knowledge.” He told her. Dean didn’t think he could answer any of the questions, so he would just have to sit there and hope he didn’t get asked directly.

Having Cas so close was a little bit distracting. On the way there he almost hadn’t said anything. Gabriel was talking the entire time and sometimes tried to include his brother, but every time Dean turned his attention to the guy he blushed hard. Dean found it really cute, but it still made it difficult actually talking to the guy.

Dean was used to being the new guy, he didn’t particularly like it, but it was just the way his life had been. He knew Gabriel and Castiel’s friends were staring at him, wondering who he was, but none of them asked any questions too close to home. As far as they were concerned; any friend of Gabriel’s was a friend of them.

This group though seemed to have known each other for a long time. Dean heard Chuck and Cas talk about the guy that tried to hit Cas at the party (obviously Cas didn’t have any trouble talking to the other man), Charlie and Gabriel teased Victor about his ex-girlfriend and still, Dean didn’t feel left out. Victor was a serious policeman, and for a while Dean was afraid he would not like him. He knew he wasn’t exactly the picture for the nice kind of people, but Victor didn’t say or show any signs that Dean was anything but welcome.

“Who gave you that shiner?” Victor asked and for a moment everyone turned to look at Dean. Most of the color around his eye was gone, but it was still clear that he had been punched. He pursed his lips, but let one side of his lips drag up in a half smile.

“Some guy who didn’t like losing in pool.” Dean told him and Victor laughed.

“How did he look then?” Gilda asked in a surprisingly melodious voice.

“Well, let’s say we are even.” Dean told her and looked down. He didn’t want to think about it. If he did, then he had to think about his brother, and if he thought about his brother, all of his guilt threatened to boil up to the surface.

The quiz started and their conversations settled into whispers about the different questions. It was a pretty high level on the questions and Dean noticed how the team together managed to answer pretty much all of them. He didn’t say much, drank his beer, had some peanuts and sat back against the pillows. He watched Cas, he was obviously smart, the few beers he had been drinking was clearly helping with his shyness. Whenever he knew the answer to a question he almost stood up from his place, Cas often let a hand run through his hair so it was giving him a messy and very sexy look.

Cas stood up when he knew the answer to a question about a Russian author. Gabriel rolled his eyes again, but passed the answer on to Victor who wrote it down.

“Sit down, Cas. I can hear you from over there you know.” Gabriel told him in a good hearted complaining.

Cas nodded and sat down. He accidently sat down with a hand on Dean’s thigh and when he noticed he blushed so hard Dean felt bad for him. He gave him a rare smile and for a moment Cas seemed so surprised he forgot to be embarrassed.

Half an hour into the quiz there was a small break. People could get up for more drinks and go to the toilet. Cas moved over to the bar as soon as Gabriel stood up and let him out and Dean got up to stretch his legs. Charlie came over to him and Dean stared at her shirt that said: “Keep calm and carry a wand.”

“Don’t hate on my shirt.” She told him with a grin. He lifted his hands in a disarming way.

“Not hating at all.” He told her.

“Good. Gabriel tells me you have magic hands?”

“What?” Dean stared at her with wide eyes and she burst out laughing.

“The vase you made him.” She eventually managed to say and Dean nodded as he took a deep breath. Charlie wanted to know about his work and whether she could drop by and see what he did.

“Sure, if you get past the boss you will always be welcome.” He told her and there it was again, the tugging in his lips. He wanted to smile at them, be a part of their happiness, but he let the chance pass him by again, maybe later when he was ready.

“Dude, I take that as a challenge. Expect to see me there by the end of the week” She declared and Dean had no trouble picturing that. The girl was fire, the kind of fire that made others want to jump right in to be a part of it.

Cas walked past them and Dean let his eyes run over his body. He was dressed in a pair of tight dark jeans that really did a number on his ass. To get his mind off of it, he watched his back and broad shoulders and the messy hair that touched his collar. Damn, did he want to lick the guy behind his ear and see what kind of noise he would make.

“Get your eyes back into your scull, man.” Charlie chuckled. Dean glared at her and pretended nothing happened.

“Don’t pretend I didn’t just see you undress our pretty boy over there.” She threatened. Dean pushed himself off from the bar and started walking back to their booth. They would be continuing the quiz soon. Charlie grabbed his arm before they reached the table.

“We are so not done with this!” She gave him a serious look and Dean just nodded at her. Fine, if there was something she needed to get off her chest, then he would listen. The girl was really pushy!

Dean reciprocated a bit more the last round. He answered a few questions and gained cheers and toasts from the rest of the gang. He noticed that Cas was getting a bit drunk, the guy laughed more, talked louder and didn’t blush as much. Or maybe he just couldn’t see the blush from the rosy cheeks he got from the alcohol. Cas hands came to touch Dean a few times and each time he wanted to touch him back, but he let it slide when he saw the way Charlie was glaring at him. What was her problem?

When the quizmaster announced the next four questions would be about firearms Dean and Victor was the only ones that didn’t sigh in surrender.

“We always loose on those.” Gabriel muttered, but looked hopefully at Victor. Dean was still relaxed in his seat. Thanks to his dad he knew enough about guns, but he wasn’t going to say that out loud.

The first question was about how many bullets a Colt could shoot. Victor debated with himself whether it was five or six, until Dean broke his silence and told him low and calm it was six. He felt almost all of the others turn and look at him, but he sipped from his beer and waited for the next questions. That turned out to be about what the diameter of the barrel on a shotgun told you and what kind of magazines was used for M249 SAW. And last, how many parts a GLOCK consists of. On the last question Dean and Victor got into an argument because they had different numbers. Dean however didn’t want to come on too strong so he nodded to Victor and told him it was a while since he read about it, so he was probably right. Dean didn’t gloat when it turned out he had been right.

When the quiz ended and the winning team (“Those arrogant ‘We-know-it-all’ over there.” Gabriel growled.) had gotten their prize they walked outside. Victor shook Dean’s hand and told him to join them next Wednesday as well before he was off. Dean found himself stupidly happy about the invitation. The rest of them started walking towards the coffee shop since most of them lived close by. Dean didn’t live on that side of the town, but when he started to say goodbye Gabriel told him to join them for a few more beers and maybe playing a game.

Back at Gabriel’s apartment they settled in the living room. Chuck huddled down between pillows, Anna and Charlie sat down on the floor and Gilda disappeared into the kitchen while Gabriel put on some music. Cas was forced to drink a bottle of water and Gabriel refused to give him anything else.

Cas wasn’t that drunk, but Gabriel didn’t want him to feel bad the next day, or not being able to play the games with them. Dean sat next to Cas and occasionally Cas would lean a little bit closer to talk to him. Dean ignored Charlie’s glaring whenever he did that because he wasn’t doing anything wrong. If he put a hand on the guys back, it was just so that Cas wouldn’t fall into his lap, and it wasn’t his fault that Cas pressed closer to him every time he leaned in. Gabe didn’t seem to mind, he just chuckled and teased his brother who had started blushing again. Cas still didn’t pull away and Dean found that he liked the pressure of a warm body against his.

When Gabriel announced they had to take a break in their games Dean walked off to find the bathroom. He had just stepped outside the bathroom when someone was all over him. His normal instinct told him to slam the guy into the wall and beat his way out of it. Instead he was the one that was pushed to the wall. Cas looked up at him with big blue eyes and his palms were clammy where they clung to his forearms. The chatter and music seeped in from the living room but the hall was quiet. Both of them breathed noisily in the silence and Dean let one hand run up Cas’ side, over his shoulder and into his hair. He heard Cas’ breath hitch as he gripped his hair tighter and held his eyes with his own. Cas’ lips parted slightly and he was breathing fast, his eyes flickering down to Dean’s mouth.

Dean leaned forward and let his lips swipe over his and was met with a low moan. He kissed him softly and felt Cas’ fingers holding on to him. When he let his tongue slide over Cas’ lower lip he parted them to let Dean inside. With a gasp Cas suddenly shifted from a trembling mess to much more demanding. His hands pushed Dean further against the wall and his tongue darted out to meet his. Cas let out gasps and moans and Dean found that he just had to hang on as the guy went to town on him. Cas let his lips run down Dean’s jaw and his teeth scraped over his stubble, making Dean shudder with lust. He let his head fall back with a soft thud against the wall and groaned when Cas kissed and licked down his sensitive neck.

They were both almost surprised when Cas pushed his hips against Dean’s so that they could feel the evidence of their arousal. Cas moaned against his neck.

“Oh, god I want you.” He muttered and Dean swallowed.

He was about to say something when he was pushed into a dark room. The weak protests were crushed by Cas’ eager lips and Dean let out a surprised yelp when his knees bumped against a bed. Cas didn’t waste any time and pushed him down before straddling his hips.

Dean felt his mind go blurry when Cas grinded down on him, he wanted nothing more than to fuck this guy, but he couldn’t take advantage like this when he was drunk.

“Cas… hey, hey, slow down.” Dean said and grabbed his arms. Cas struggled a moment to focus on him and stopped.

“You don’t want to, oh god. Talk about humiliation!” Cas scrambled on his feet and covered his face with his hands. Dean stood up and walked over to him.

“Hey, it’s not that. I just don’t want to be the idiot that takes advantage when you are drunk. Fuck, I would love to do this!” Dean reassured.

“Then do it. I’m not that drunk.” Cas whined and reached up to kiss him while his hands reached for his belt buckle. Dean took a deep breath when Cas pressed a hand over his hard cock.

“You want to, right?” Cas asked and started pushing him back to the bed.

“Yeah, I do.” Dean sighed slowly and letting himself be pushed down on the bed again. Cas got them both undressed and while they rolled around on the bed making out, Cas had found lube in a drawer by the bed and struggled to get himself ready. Cas straddled his hips again and Dean held himself ready for Cas to take him inside. (Cas didn't want to hear any talk about spending more time getting him ready. "For fucks sake, I can take it! I'm ready.") Both men uttered groans and gasps as Dean slowly pressed inside. Dean had his arms tight around Cas’ waist and Cas held his weight with one hand on Dean’s knee. Their breathing came fast, both grunted and panted heavily while Dean tried hard to keep his hips in control. He wanted so bad to thrust forward into the tight heat, but he didn’t want to hurt him.

Cas let out a long moan when he sat down all the way. Dean pulled him in for a kiss which made both of them gasp for air. Cas’ back was covered in sweat and he was trembling slightly.

“Gotta move.” Dean told him and Cas pushed himself up on his knees before slowly sitting down again. Dean still had his arms tight around him and he kissed him on his neck and collar bone, biting and marking his skin. Cas only let out moans of pleasure and soon Dean sat back, supporting his weight on the bed behind him. Dean couldn’t get enough; Cas had forgotten every ounce of shyness and was riding him with such wanton Dean knew he wouldn’t be able to hold on for long. Dean sat up and placed his hands on Cas’ hips and started to thrust his hips up to meet Cas. The other man shoved his hands into Dean’s hair and tugged with a growl.

“Ah, ah, ah.” Came out of him for every thrust and Dean forced his eyes up to watch. His black hair was a mess, his mouth hung open and his head tilted slightly backwards as he enjoyed the feeling. Cas opened his eyes slowly and didn’t even blush when he realized he was being watched. His mouth tugged up into a smile while his eyes stayed locked on Dean’s.

Dean didn’t stand a chance against that. He let out a groan and pressed his forehead against Cas’ chest and thrust hard into him and held him there as he came inside of him. Cas rugged back and forth and the small movement and the whimper that came from Cas when Dean wrapped his hand around his leaking cock, sent another wave of pleasure through him. Cas gasped and made a few more erratic moves before he spilled all over both their stomachs. Dean looked up in surprise at the muffled scream, and felt his cock made an interested twitch at the sight of Cas pressing his fist against his mouth to hold back a scream. It was so hot! And Dean wanted to hear him, wanted him to let go so he could hear every sound Cas made because of him.

They didn’t talk much while they cleaned up their mess. Cas watched Dean pull on his boxers and a t-shirt before asking if he wanted to spend the night. Dean wanted to, but he couldn't remember if he ever had spent the entire night with anyone unless he had been too drunk to move. Cas walked into the bathroom and came back dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, and Dean had put almost all of his clothes back on.

Dean got a glimpse of his phone which was blinking and he grabbed it. Two missed calls and three messages.

“Shit, shit, shit!” He started to scramble around the room to gather his stuff.

“What’s wrong?”

 _Dean, I tried to call. Why didn’t you pick up? S._ Then there was: _I need to talk to you. S._

“Uh, nothing. Fuck, fuck. I gotta go!” Dean stepped into his shoes, breathing almost as fast as just a moment ago with Cas in his lap. _Where are you, Dean? I really need to talk to you. S._ The texts were swimming in front of Dean’s eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on the next chapter but I don't know if I'll be able to post anything until Wednesday. I have a busy schedule, but I will get there.  
> Kudos is always welcome and don't hesitate to make a comment or a question!  
> Thank you for reading :)


	4. Crushed hopes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean find out what happened to Sam. He also has to stand up to the fact that he ran out on Cas in such a hurry...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day later than I said, but here it is. Hope you like it!

Dean had made a promise a long time ago. Whenever his brother needed him, Dean would be there, no matter what. And even if he now lived three hours away he still should have picked up the phone when his brother called. It was dark and looming outside and the traffic was light. Dean knew he shouldn’t be jumping to conclusions but if Sammy called him late at night, something had to be up. Dean had talked to the manager just a few days ago and they told him everything was fine. One of the psychologists had retired and a new one had been hired but everything seemed to be in order. Dean had told them that if Sam was okay with the new one, then he was okay with the person. Dean had talked to Sam and he had sounded just fine.

Calm down, that’s what he had to do. Dean drew in a few demanding breaths and let them out. He couldn’t help but think something was up. His brother used to call him, sure, but never this late, and never with attached messages telling he needed to talk. _Deep breaths_. He should probably think about something else.

 _“What’s wrong?” “Uh, nothing, fuck fuck! I gotta go!”_ Dean had left Cas there, fucked him and then left in a hurry. And Dean actually found the guy interesting. Blushing from embarrassment, but wild when he dared to let it go. Dean just had to take one problem at a time; it wouldn’t help anyone if he tried fixing everything at once. Sam was first on the list, though.

Sometimes Dean got frustrated that he was so damn protective of his brother. When he was younger he could get angry at their dad for not letting Dean be a teenager and take care of his youngest son like he should. Sam tagging along when Dean wanted to have fun, flirt with the girls and have his first beer was not very popular. As the years went by he felt bad for not taking better care of his brother, and eventually he realized that looking after Sammy was a part of who he was. Looking after Sam had been priority one for years, but it wasn’t until Sam started to get in trouble because of his anger that Dean made sure to always be close by.

Dean tried not to feel too guilty about not picking up when his brother had called. It was really late after all. The problem was that the few times Sam had called Dean like that, stuff had been a little worse than an argument or a bad dream. It had been because either Sam felt like he was about to do something bad and needed a reason not to, or he had already done it and then he would need Dean to clear the mess of guilt and shame in his mind.

It wasn’t that long a drive. By the time the sun started to go up Dean pulled up his car in front of the building. Dean walked across the street, but the moment he came into the building he was stopped.

“Sir! You can’t be here.” A tall man in a suit came towards him in long steps.

“I’m here because my brother called.” Dean said and didn’t back away even if the man in front of him obviously tried to be threatening.

“We have visiting hours.”

“Since when? I was here last week for three whole days.” Dean insisted. The guy said that nobody came in this early and Dean started to get annoyed.

“Sir, you have to calm down. Come back later and you can talk to the manager.”

Dean realized that if he tried to fight his way inside he would probably never get outside again so he walked back outside, still fuming.

Later when he got back to the place he met the manager, a woman with highlighted brown hair with the name Naomi, engraved in a nametag on her desk. She sat back in her chair looking calm and content in her gray stiff suit. Dean wanted to break her nose, but he just nodded and asked her why he couldn’t get up to his brother.

She seemed a little uneasy, moving a pen around on her desk.

“Sam is not here. He’s gone.” She said and lifted her eyes to meet Dean’s.

He stared at her and the room was deafening in its silence.

“What do you mean ‘he’s gone?’ Aren’t you supposed to keep an eye out for him?"

Naomi tightened her jaw looking straight at him. Dean didn’t even blink.

“Mr. Winchester. You have to understand that your brother isn’t exactly a small guy.” She started.

“That doesn’t explain why you-. Why did he even leave? I talked to him just a couple days back and he said it wasn’t that bad here.” Dean stared at her in disbelief.

“I don’t know. When someone is mentally ill they tend to have reasons we can’t see as clearly.”

“MY BROTHER IS NOT-! My brother is not that far gone. He is perfectly stable.” Dean insisted and ignored the raised brow.

“Sam almost broke the nose of his caretaker when he escaped. We believe he had planned it beforehand.”

“Tell me what he did through the day.”

Naomi told him about a day like any other. Breakfast, session with the psychologist, free time in which he was at the library. Then after dinner they had gone out to the park. Sam had packed a bigger bag than usual, but since he only brought a few clothes a couple of books and two of the items Dean had made they didn’t think it was anything to worry about.

“What was the session about, you know, earlier that day.”

Dean focused on keeping calm when she started talking about how they wanted to prepare Sam for a future where he should settle on staying there in the institution. Dean rubbed a hand over his face while taking deep breaths.

“What?” He said voice contrived low and calm. Naomi patted her hair like she could feel that his anger was about to get the best of him.

“We talked about this the last time. Sam is struggling to see the difference between reality and his hallucinations. And even if that has been better lately it is still the problem with his anger.”

Dean wanted to tell her how wrong she was. Wanted to make her see that his little brother’s anger wasn’t that bad. That most of the time he was a cute cuddler of a bear that wanted to feel like he was normal. A guy that wanted to do good.  
Instead he asked what happened when Sam got away. Apparently they had been to a market in the town squares and even if Sam should be easy to spot due to his height and was followed by his caretaker he had managed to sneak away. Sam had punched the guy in the face when he tried to stop him.

“You are aware that Sam can be held accountable for his actions?”

“You want to tell me that Sam need to pay for something he did when you couldn’t do your job?”

She ignored his question and started to tell him what they did to find Sam. That’s when Dean got up from his chair asking Naomi to take him to Sam’s room. She stared at him surprised he didn’t want to know what they were doing to get his brother back.

 

Dean got back into his car and started on the drive back to his place. He had not explained to Naomi why he wasn’t interested in their attempt at finding Sam. He looked around in his room, picked out a few things he brought back, including some clothes, before he told her goodbye and got out of there. Dean knew his brother; he also knew everything his brother knew about how to stay under the radar. If Sam didn’t want to be found nobody would find him.  
It had happened before. Sam used to get angry with their father for making them work out so much. Even if Sam struggled with reality he still wanted to be a teenager, going out with friends and have a good time. Their father didn’t exactly allow that but thankfully he traveled a lot, so the boys managed to have some fun. Dean meant what he said when he said Sam wasn’t that far gone into his own reality. Sam was a smart kid and when he was younger he could run away and stay gone for days at a time until he was ready to come back. As far as Dean knew the worst things he did was steal food and sometimes break into houses to get a shower. He never got into trouble hurting people and he always managed to stay hidden until he was ready to face his family again.

Dean refused to think about how scared he had been when Sam decided he needed a few days away from him when he was fifteen. Dean never took the chance of leaving, their father was furious. But Sam always came back seemingly in good shape so when it happened again Dean was still scared, but not as much as the first time.

Truth be told, even though Dean felt bad having his brother in an institution, it did something to his protective side. He would never admit it but while Sam had lived in that apartment Dean was always sure of where he was and that he had everything he needed. Dean had gotten spoiled, now it was time to dig up some of his old self and put faith in everything their father taught them.

The next day Dean was up early for work. He had sent a message to Sam when he came home to say he was sorry he didn’t pick up, and that he should let him know whether he was okay or not. Dean knew there was no use trying to ask his brother to come back or tell him where he was, but Sam usually checked in to show that he was doing fine. This time though, Dean really worked to stop blaming himself for not being there when Sam tried to call.

 

Friday by lunchtime Dean worked on a piece of glass that was going to be a dog sitting with a ball in its mouth. He heard his boss yell but that was nothing new. Dean had worked hard enough to get past his screaming but some poor guy must have done something if the boss was yelling like that. When he all of a sudden got quiet everyone in the room looked up. The music played softly in the background and a crackling from the ovens could be heard as well as metal on metal.

Before anyone got around asking, Charlie walked inside with their boss coming after with something that resembled a smile. She patted his shoulder.

“I found him, thank you for letting me in.” She chirped and smiled sweetly at him before walking over to Dean looking a little less happy. The people working there was used to drama with that boss of theirs, but nothing like this. Dean saw all of them stare from Charlie to Dean and one said with a laugh: “Oh, somebody pissed off his girlfriend.”

Dean just continued working on the dog so it wouldn’t go cold an impossible to work with.

“Dean.” She said stopping in front of him.

“Charlie. How much did we bet? Good to see you here.”

“I will get to admiring your work later, Dean. You have some serious explaining to do!” She hissed and Dean heard the men around him chuckle. Some of them took a few steps back but no one wanted to miss this. Dean was a mystery to all of them, and seeing him there with someone from his private life was new to all of them.

“I don’t owe you that.” Dean told her and picked up a small tool to form the ears of the dog. He noticed how Charlie glared at him before looking over at the ones standing around to witness the drama. Charlie squatted down beside him.

“You knew I was going to talk to you after the bar.” She said a little lower. Dean turned the dog around, picking up another tool to form the eyes and teeth. Charlie huffed in annoyance when he didn’t answer.

“At least tell me how you could just take off like that?” She asked and Dean lifted his eyes to look at her.

“I don’t owe you that, Charlie.” He told her and she flinched just a little before she turned angry.

“Maybe I don’t, but Cas sure as hell does! Taking off like that, he thought he had done something wrong! Did he?” Charlie had raised her voice and Dean sighed before handing the dog over to some of the others and pulled Charlie with him on the outside. He let her go once he closed the door behind them. Dean let a hand run over his face.

“Cas didn’t do anything wrong, and I didn’t explain myself because it was private. I don’t know him, or you for that matter.”

“So, what it was your wife or something that told you she was home earlier than expected?” Charlie spat at him.

“I don’t have a wife.” He said.

“Then what is it? You fucked him, then you dressed in a hurry, telling him nothing was wrong, but acted like you couldn’t get away fast enough. I know you two isn’t exactly in a relationship, but that was just cold.” Charlie said to him voice like ice.

Dean leaned his head against the wall. He should have known that he wouldn’t be able to figure out a way to apologize to Cas before things got out of hand.

“Why are you here? As far as I know this is between me and Cas!” Dean said voice low and calm. Charlie looked at him like she wanted to strangle him.

“It might be, but I look out for him, or his friends do. He’s been through enough bad relationships so when he told us what happened, of course I got mad! You can’t do this to him, I know you two don’t know each other much, but you could at least treat him with some respect. You seemed nice; I didn’t figure you for the kind of guy that fucks them and dump them.”

“It was my brother, alright. My brother called so I had to leave!” Dean said through gritted teeth.

“What? You brother called? Why didn’t you just tell him to back off? He’s your brother; he should be able to give you some space.”

Dean felt his shoulders hang low. He never talked about his private life, not where he came from, not his brother or his work. It wasn’t that he was ashamed, he just didn’t want anyone to be that close. But Dean couldn’t stand there taking these accusations from Charlie and let it go like that. He didn’t want her to think he was that kind of guy. He had just made friends with them, and he wanted that.

“My brother… lives in an institution for mental illnesses.” Dean looked straight at her and noticed how her face went from angry to understanding and compassion. She reached out a hand and put it on his arm.

“Dean. I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah. Just… forget about it. Tell Cas I’m sorry. I won’t bother him.”

“You can’t do that. You have to come meet me at the coffee shop tonight.”

“Why?”

Charlie looked at him like he was stupid.

“Cas will be there, you should talk to him.”

“Yea, I can’t do that.”

“Dean, you like him or was this only a one time deal?”

Dean couldn’t believe he was having this conversation, even less that he had it with someone that wasn’t involved. He had pictured going to find Cas and talk to him, but not in any case did he imagine talking to anyone else about it.

“You know what, I have to get back to work. Thanks for stopping by.” Dean opened the door and was about to go inside.

“Come by the coffee shop at least.” Charlie told him before he went back inside. His co workers giggled and asked if they managed to make up.

“She’s got a girlfriend.” Dean said and felt a bit smug as their faces fell.

 

Dean worked until late that day and at the same time worked up his courage to step by the coffee shop on his way home.  
The place was quiet and when Dean came inside he saw Charlie, Gilda, Cas and Gabe sitting by the counter talking. He watched Cas tense up while Gabe getting ready to come and throw him out. Charlie stopped him and urged Cas forward. Charlie acted like a mother hen. Dean might have laughed if it didn’t feel totally humiliating standing there being blamed by everyone.

Dean didn’t know how to do this. When Cas stood in front of him he realized the guy really felt badly treated. Dean owed the guy a solid explanation. He just needed to be ready to tell the truth for once.

“Do you want to sit down?” Dean asked and pointed to one of the table away from those by the counter. Cas nodded and sat down still looking tense and hurt.

“Um… Charlie tell you she came by my work earlier?” Dean started, but from the look on Cas face he didn’t know. He blushed and glared towards the gang.

“Well, she didn’t have to come by for me to understand I owe you an apology.”

Cas started to shake his head. “You don’t have to do that. I got the message.”

“What message?” Dean snapped.

“There’s not very many reasons someone would leave that fast.” Cas stared at the table and Dean took a deep breath. He had really messed up this guy.

Nobody spoke when Gabe came over to put a coffee in front of each of them. He glared angrily at Dean before walking away. Dean grabbed his cup but didn’t drink from it. Instead he told the man in front of him that he had a brother living in an institution and that he needed to be there for him. Cas lifted head and rested his blue, blue eyes on Dean’s looking both sorry and dubious.

“He has been locked down for three years. That night he called me he had gotten out of that place and nobody has seen him since.”

“What do you mean? Was he abducted!?” Cas leaned forward.

“No, he ran away.” Dean sipped his coffee.

“Can I ask what your brother suffers from?”

Dean looked down in the table for a moment. He realized it was the first time he had talked to anyone about his brother except the people working with Sam.

“Hallucinating. And he gets really angry.”

Cas didn’t say anything at first and they sat there listening the soft music playing and the chatter and clinking from the few people in the shop.

“I wish you had told me, I would have come with you.” Cas eventually said and Dean looked up in surprise. Cas just leaned forward with a smile.

“I work with research on mental illnesses, so I might have been able to help you.”

“What?” Dean didn’t know how to process this new information. One part of him felt relived that he had someone to talk to about this, someone that would understand it all. Another part was immediately on alert. Why would he offer to help? Did he want to research on his brother, what that it? Dean tried to stay rational.

“Did your brother tell you why he left?”

Dean shook his head.

“I’m not saying I know anything about him or his situation, but I might have been able to provide you with help of some kind.”

“He has done this since he was fifteen.”

“Done what?”

“Running away for a few days.”

Cas looked like he wanted to ask, but Dean stopped him.

“This isn’t about Sam. I’m still sorry that I ran out on you like that. I would like it if we could meet you know… when your brother isn’t trying to kill me with his mind.” Dean said glancing over at Gabriel who stared right back with daggers in his eyes.

Cas chuckled. “I’ll talk to him. And I would really like that, Dean.” He continued in a soft voice.

Dean walked home just a little while after that. He liked to think that he could get to know Cas and maybe even take the chance of letting him get to know him too. He hadn’t heard from his brother at all, but Dean tried to think rationally. Sam’s picture was in the papers and if that had been him Dean would have focused on laying low until things settled down. Even using a phone could be a risk. For a moment Dean was glad for what their father had taught them. At least Sam knew how to live with barely anything to live on.

Still it bothered him that he hadn’t even found a note from his brother. Dean decided that if he didn’t hear from him by Monday he would try and find him. The damn psychologists that crushed the poor guys hope. Dean would have liked giving them a piece of his mind for taking that away from Sam.


	5. The man beneath it all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam could be anywhere and Dean knows his brother, knows everything he knows so how can he find him if Sam doesn't want to be found. Dean and Cas grow closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is a bit of backstory here, not too much development in the plot, but we'll get there pretty soon ;)

Dean walked into the coffee shop earlier than usual. Gabriel was busy with the long line and Dean settled at the end of it. He had been there almost every day since he came in to talk to Cas, but Dean hadn’t really talked to Gabriel.  
Dean watched while Gabriel took orders from the people in front of him. He noticed how good the man was at reading people. The woman with a whining baby in her stroller got a smile, not too bright, but perfect for encouraging. He made her coffee and talked about her day and he laughed good-heartedly when she sighed about not having the time to make coffee at home since the baby got impatient. 

“That’s what I’m here for. I made it a double for you. Have a good day!” Gabriel told her, refused to accept extra payment for making it a double and moved gently over to a student with heavy eyelids. 

“Someone is ready for the first lecture of the day.” Gabriel chuckled as the student leaned against the counter. 

“A coffee might get me there.” She said. 

Dean listened to Gabriel making small talk about the student’s major and asking really intelligent questions like he was actually interested. And Dean figured that he probably was. For a moment the student seemed to forget how tired she was and engaged in the conversation. 

Then there was a tall man in front of Dean. 

“How was your nightshift?” Gabriel started to mix some ingredients for a coffee even if the man hadn’t said anything. 

“I’m going to sleep once my kid is brought to kindergarten.” He said with a rasping voice. 

“You are working hard, man.” Gabriel said and the man chuckled a little. 

“You know it. Maybe if you got around to ask me out I’ll be getting a night off.” He said and Dean stared in surprise when Gabriel actually blushed. It was obvious that Gabriel and this guy knew each other. The guy had a kid and flirted harmlessly with the barista, but somehow that made Gabriel blush.

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.” Gabriel finally managed to get out before handing over the coffee. 

Dean stepped in front of Gabriel.

“Dean-o. Still up for trying out new stuff?” Gabriel smiled. He had warmed up to Dean again, but he wasn’t sure how much he actually knew. 

“I’ll just have a regular black coffee.” He said. 

“Fine then.”

“Where’s Cas?”

“He’s trying to decide whether he wants to move back here or stay where he is. Maybe you can help with that, he's here again for the quiz.” Gabriel smiled. 

“Yeah… So you wanna tell me who that guy was that made you blush?” Dean asked and chuckled low when Gabriel glared at him. 

“I didn’t blush.” He insisted. 

“Sure you did.” Dean looked at him and wanted to grin at the exasperated look on the guys face.

“Are you going to pay for the coffee or not?”

“Oh, so we are getting rude when we are pushed into a corner?” Dean put down the money. He couldn’t hold back anymore and flashed a grin which made Gabriel stop. 

“You must really enjoy this by the look of that shit-eating grin!” He growled but smiled back. 

“Have a good day, Gabe. Work on that courage.” Dean said and sipped his coffee on the way out. 

 

The weekend had come and gone without a word from Sam and Dean had started to feel anxious about it. He knew enough about what dangers were out there and Dean was afraid that the longer Sam was alone, the chance something might trigger his anger grew bigger. 

Dean knew the kind of Sam that never intended to hurt anyone, but he wasn’t so naïve that he wouldn’t admit that Sam’s anger was an issue. Someone called it a short temper and maybe it was, but Dean just thought that Sam had so much balled up anger and frustrations. Even after he learned to talk about stuff Sam still had an itch inside from being treated bad by their father his entire life. An itch that came out as anger.

Sam had trained hard since before he was a teenager. For a while that was enough. He got to punch stuff until he bled, spar with his brother until they both were soaked in sweat, they ran a lot and even got to shoot with guns. Because of this Dean also was aware of what his brother actually was capable of. Sure, Sam was a big guy with even bigger puppy eyes who would help you out if he saw you struggle, but Dean would never, ever want to be on his bad side. 

Sam wasn’t the kind of angry that got pissed off when someone was annoying in a bar or bumped into him. He usually was the one saying sorry if someone passed him a little too close. He was more the kind that could get teased and suddenly get enough, then he would black out and he was no longer in control of his actions. That was the scary part. As far as Dean knew, that was the worst kind of anger. Someone would most certainly get hurt and Sam would feel so bad about it he would spiral down again in his head. 

“I got to find that kid.” Dean muttered to himself before he picked up his phone to send a message. 

He didn’t know if Sam even had his phone anymore, probably not, since it was better to get rid of it if you wanted to hide. One of the things their father taught them was the importance of staying under the radar every way possible, meaning no cell phones and moving from place to place. 

Somehow Sam never hurt their father no matter how often they fought. Dean had felt his brothers rage once, when he tried to go between Sam and some idiot in a bar. It had been a little too late, Sam had already blacked out and while he aimed for the guy Dean was the one to land on the floor between some chairs with a dislocated shoulder and a bleeding nose. Sam had spent weeks feeling bad about it and Dean did everything he could to hide the true story from their father who would have made Sam feel even worse. 

Dean didn’t get an answer from Sam. A part of him started to get a little desperate and roamed through every online paper he could find. There was nothing, nothing at all that could be his brother and Dean told himself he should be happy about it. 

By the time Wednesday came around Dean woke up to a sound coming from his phone. He reached out for it and the blinking made him sit up so fast his head spun, though that might be the remnants of the whiskey from last night. The message read: “I’m fine, don’t look for me. Laying low. –S”  
Dean fell back against his lumpy pillow with a sigh. He was glad to finally hear from his brother, but the message didn’t actually calm him down. He would much rather have liked hearing him say he was ready for Dean to come pick him up. 

After all Dean knew his brother was fine, sort of, so he went to work like usual and that night he joined Cas and their friends for their Wednesday quiz. They were the same team as last, Cas was a little less nervous, but he still blushed whenever Dean turned to talk to him. Dean found that cute, the way Cas was shy like that, but after a couple of beers he got so engaged in the game that he stood up whenever he knew the answer. Dean liked being there with them; they all welcomed him and didn’t force themselves onto his private life. In the end they almost won the game with two points behind the winning team. Gabriel growled angrily. 

“Come on! For once, can’t we catch a break?” He said before downing his drink. 

Victor just patted his back. “I’ll practice for next week, maybe we will win then.” He said and gained an annoyed glance from the smaller man. 

Cas walked beside Dean on their way back, still a little shy, but the beers he had been drinking seemed to help him out a bit. Even if everyone else walked home to themselves Cas asked if Dean wanted to come with him back to his place. “His place” was still at Gabriel’s but Dean didn’t mind. It was better than going to his cramped place. 

Gabriel had gone off someplace else so Cas and Dean sat down in the living room. 

“Have you heard from your brother?” Cas asked and put a glass of whiskey in front of him.

“Yea, got a message earlier today. He’s fine, I think.”

“You think?” Cas lifted one eyebrow. 

“Well, it’s hard to tell. The message was short, but at least I know he is alive and that he is laying low.”

Cas nodded and stared at him directly, blue eyes mesmerizing. 

“What does laying low mean?”

“That he is staying someplace where the police won’t find him.” Dean said in a low voice, he felt how intense Cas’ staring was and he didn’t feel like explaining too much of this. 

“Are the police looking for him?”

Dean told him about how the mental institution had put out an APB on his brother so that it was important for him to lay low for a while so that they would lose his trail. Cas didn’t say anything for a while, he just sat there staring like he was thinking hard. 

“But… isn’t it kind of impossible to hide from the police? I mean, it’s their job to find people.”

“Sammy knows what to do.” Dean nodded. 

“He knows how to hide from the police? How?”

Dean swallowed. He couldn’t do this. It’s too close. The fact that he grew up with a father that dragged his two sons cross country after they lost their mother. A father who taught them how to steal and lie, to fight with and without guns and most important of all, blend in to stay invisible. John learned them all that because he was desperate for something after his wife died. He started seeking out danger, going right into it and instead of staying on the right track he himself became an outlaw. The once so strong and friendly soldier became a criminal who treated his sons like a drill sergeant. 

Cas and Gabriel had a weird way of speaking about their parents, so maybe he didn’t have the best childhood himself, but Dean didn’t feel like sharing the miserable and just wrong way of growing up. Jumping from town to town, changing schools several times a year, never making real friends and living off stolen cash or credit cards. Their clothes were never new unless their father managed to steal something or sometimes after the brothers grew older they did it themselves. 

Dean was perfectly good at staying invisible, and he had managed to do that until he walked into Gabriel’s coffee shop. Or rather, when he started to go back to the place. Gabriel didn’t say anything at first, but since Dean got sloppy and started to come back to the place, he eventually started to come with small suggestions and comments. 

“Well, uh… our father was… um… kind of a paranoid soldier. He taught us how to lie low, like really low.” Dean finally managed to say. It wasn’t entirely a lie, but it most certainly wasn’t the truth either. 

The curiosity in Cas’ face was clear, but somehow he seemed to sense that he shouldn’t push harder. Instead he leaned in to kiss Dean who gladly jumped at the chance of moving away from dangerous waters. 

Cas’ long fingers wrapped around Dean’s face and ran up into his hair as he pulled him closer. Dean leaned into the kiss and willingly opened his mouth when Cas let his tongue slide over his lip. Their tongues tangled playfully around each other and Dean let out a moan when Cas pushed him down on the pillows. Cas was on top of him and his lips were soft and wet against Dean’s. A hand ran over his chest and down his sides before they found its way beneath his shirt.  
Cas soon started to kiss him down his jaw and neck before opening his shirt button by button while he followed with his lips. When he came to the last button he found his way up to his nipples and let his tongue swirl around it before sealing his lips and sucking at it. Dean arched his back with a groan and couldn’t believe how good this felt. 

Dean had a lot of sex. Ever since he was sixteen and was alone with a girl from school for the first time he was hooked. This was something he was good at, and it didn’t require a lot of unnecessary stuff to do. He worked his charm and the girls would fall like flies, and eventually he got curious about guys as well and to Dean that had been quite easy too. This was different though. The sex he usually had was fast and dirty; a blowjob in the car, a quickie behind a bar or heavy breathing and sweating in some worn down apartment or his motel room. Cas actually spent time making him feel good. Appreciating his body with his hands and tongue, leaving small huffs and moans that made Dean moan in return. 

The button on his jeans were opened without him even noticing, and Cas’ hands were everywhere. Dean lifted his hands and ran one through the messy black hair and the other down his back. He helped Cas pull his jeans down and sighed in excitement when he lowered his body to kiss Dean on his hipbone. He jumped a little at the feeling and Cas put a hand on him to hold him down while he let his warm and wet tongue slip over his hard head. Dean groaned and put one hand above his head to hold on to something and the other rested in Cas hair, not pushing or pulling him. Cas licked a stripe up his length a few times before he finally sealed his lips around the tip. 

“Oh, God.” Dean uttered almost shaking. 

Cas hummed and pushed slowly all the way down, really making him wet before he pulled up, almost off, then down again. Dean looked down and thought he could come right then from the sight alone. Cas had his pink lips wrapped tight around him, his cheeks hollowed as he sucked. The black hair was a mess falling onto his forehead and not quite reaching his eyes. And Dean couldn’t be happier about that, because those blue dilated eyes looking up to meet his was the hottest things Dean had ever seen. 

With a loud smack of a door they both froze. Cas pulled off and Dean desperately pulled his jeans up, not really covering anything as it was impossible to push his raging hard-on down his pants. He covered one hand over his crotch and the other hand over his face to hide from the humiliating. 

“Not on my couch!” Gabriel said indignant. Cas blushed ferociously, but gave his brother a grin. 

“You are unbelievable! I’ll go into the kitchen, and by the time I get back you better be out of here. Jeez, Cas!” Gabriel continued and walked past them with a laugh. 

They didn’t waste time and hurried out of the room. Cas pressed Dean down on the bed immediately, straddling his hips like last time. 

“Tell me, do you usually top or bottom?” He asked almost without blushing and Dean was amazed at how fast the man could change. One moment he couldn’t handle whether he wanted beer or a drink and the next he was grinding down on him asking what Dean’s preferences were in bed. 

“I don’t mind either way, but I’m mostly bottoming.” He admitted and saw the smile that spread across Cas’ face. 

“Didn’t seem like it the last time.” He said with a smug smile. 

“I’m good either way.” Dean repeated. 

Cas though, didn’t seem to think so. He was obviously ready to be on top this time around and grabbed what he needed from his drawer; lube and a condom. He spent some time preparing Dean and he noticed how careful he was. Even though they both were turned on and panting hard he made sure Dean was comfortable, taking his time and seemed to enjoy this part just as much. Dean was used to either having to do this part himself or that someone would get it over with quick to get to the good part. It made him a little uneasy to feel like that, like Cas wanted to take care of him and almost worship his body. 

When Cas thought Dean was ready he turned him around, placed a pillow under his hips and lined himself up between his legs. Dean swallowed, suddenly feeling vulnerable. Cas could see him like this, really see, like watch his face and whatever feelings might be visible there. Dean lifted his arms to Cas’ shoulders and that too was different. The holding and the facing each other, it was all new to Dean who preferred to face the other way and take whatever was given him. 

“Sshh, ‘s okay. Feels so good, Dean.” Cas told him and for a moment he wondered if Cas could see through him and the way his mind was working on high speed. 

He decided to relax into it, to take what was given him and enjoy it for real this time. Cas was gentle but confident in his thrusts. Dean felt safe beneath him and actually taken care of. The realization that he actually liked that made him gasp in surprise, Cas bent down to kiss him and at the same time sped up his thrusts. Dean felt rapid build and let his head fall back against the pillows. He bit his lip, reminding himself that they weren’t alone and clenched Cas’ shoulders. Cas never let his lips slip from Dean, he kissed a trail down his jaw and neck before coming back up. 

“Look at me.” He said with a wrecked voice that sent a jolt of want through Dean. 

He opened his eyes and locked them on Cas heavy stare. Dean’s hands ran up to his hair and he met every thrust. Cas pushed into him steady and hard with small grunts that was so hot Dean had to open his mouth and let out a long moan he was sure could be heard outside that room. He was too far gone to care and when Cas angled his hips to make sure he hit the right spot every time Dean was a mess. 

“Open your eyes!” Cas grunted at him and Dean’s eyes snapped open to meet his. 

“There you go. Have to look at me when you come.” Cas rasped and Dean felt like he was going to burst, he needed to come, to be touched and to get over the edge. 

“Cas… touch… need… come…” He gasped for every thrust and Cas mercifully wrapped a hand firmly around his hard cock and gave it a few strokes. Dean felt his breath stutter and hitch and he wanted to scream. Instead a stream of words, mostly curses spilled from his lips and he saw a glint of a smile on Cas’ lips. He gasped at the tightening feeling and pushed in hard one more time as he came as well. They were both breathing hard and Dean uttered a complaining sound when Cas slipped out of him. 

After a while they got up and cleaned up the mess they made. Cas asked tentatively if he wanted to stay and Dean shifted a little uneasy. 

“I’m… maybe some other time.” He finished and saw the disappointed look on Cas’ face. He nodded and didn’t say anything while Dean got dressed. Before he opened the door Cas stopped him. 

“Why?”

Dean looked down at him uncertain how to say it. A part of him was afraid that Cas would change his mind, another part was afraid what he should do in the morning since this was totally new to him, and last but not least, he felt more like himself if he got to leave when he needed to. 

“I’m… not sure I’m… uh… ready.” He said and felt a blush creep up into his cheeks. Cas watched him silently while his eyes grew soft. 

“I can live with that. Good night, Dean.” He said before stepping up on his toes and kissed his lips softly. Dean had no idea how to respond to the affection Cas showed so he just murmured a ‘good night’ before heading outside. 

**

Cas sat down in his bed feeling surprisingly good. Dean didn’t want to sleep there, but he was certain he could get him there. The guy had something inside of him that he rarely showed to anyone, and Cas had a sneaking suspicion that Dean never actually had felt love from anyone his entire life. That made his stomach ache. 

He looked over the bed where they had been together. Cas wasn’t the only one changing in the bedroom. Dean might seem like a hard and butch, scary man, but in there with just the two of them, he was soft and eager to feel. With a smile Cas leaned forward and pulled out a dark blue t-shirt that had fallen on the floor and under the bed. It smelled nice. With a smile he put it on before curling up on himself trying to sleep.


	6. To bare my soul to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the presence of Cas, Dean finds himself being a new man. But is he ready to admit to what they have?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally found the time to post another chapter and I really hope you didn't lose the patience and still want to read it.

The next week or so passed somewhat normal. Dean spent a few days thinking about how he had said those things to Cas. So vulnerable and… submissive. He had let the guy take care of him, and after that, even if he left, he had told the guy he wasn’t ready, like some girl! Dean had never, ever spent extra breath on admitting to his feelings. It made him both warm and a bit unsettled. 

So instead of spending a lot of time again feeling like a girl, he went to work and did what was expected of him. Charlie seemed to like stopping by his workplace and she soon made friends with almost everyone in there. She sat there amongst dirty tools and hot burning glass, talking about her work at pre-school, telling stories about her girlfriend and eventually made them show her how to make glass sculptures. Dean couldn’t help how much he grew into liking her. Her wild, but caring nature was easy to like, she was tiny and he wanted to protect her. That was stupid of course since she was more than capable of doing so herself, but she didn’t seem to mind. 

Dean also spent time with Cas. They met at the coffee shop, at Gabriel’s apartment or sometimes they went to see places Cas considered buying or renting. They intended to talk, get to know each other, but almost every time they met they ended up in bed. Cas lost his inhibitions whenever they started to get undressed and Dean couldn’t help but love that and give in to his enthusiasm. 

“I thought we were supposed to sit down and talk; get to know each other.” Dean chuckled teasingly, still a bit out of breath. Cas blushed a little but didn’t move from where he was laying beside Dean. 

“We are.” He said and Dean huffed a laugh. 

All the time he spent with Cas he felt happier, it was easier to smile and laugh with him and that made him feel better. Some days he even felt safe enough to really laugh; he had missed that. There were still a lot of things they didn’t talk about, Sam and his family was the biggest issue. Whenever that came up Dean clamped down but Cas didn’t push, he seemed to respect his need for privacy. Sometimes Dean felt bad when he did that. Cas shared enough for them both, though. 

He told Dean about his three brothers which he was pretty close to. Dean still knew that he was closest to Gabriel and maybe Lucifer. Cas told him about his father who was disappointed in almost all of them. Cas’ job had made him proud, but that didn’t mean Cas was let off from the complaining. He still had to listen to his father tell him what a shame it was that he didn’t want to marry a woman and have kids, and ran after men instead. 

Dean found himself sharing bits and pieces from his childhood. Little things like when they visited Bobby and got to play in his junkyard. When he and Sam got a whole summer at that grumpy but loving man, where they could swim in the lake, go the Tivoli in town and eat until they had to lie down. Those were good memories, most of them didn’t involve their father, and Cas still didn’t push. 

“My mother asked about you.” Cas said in a low voice one night as they sat in the kitchen eating sandwiches. 

They had been outside most of the evening since Cas had dragged him from place to place just to find out nothing was good enough. Dean had eventually told him he shouldn’t be so picky, the place would be nice as long as it had the most important stuff in order like a kitchen and a bathroom. Cas had looked at him for a long moment before he nodded carefully and then promised he would not be difficult just because the wall had the wrong color or a door was swinging the wrong way. 

“You told her about me?” Dean asked putting his sandwich back on the plate looking at Cas. His heart was pounding in his chest and he didn’t know if he should stay of run as fast as he possibly could. 

“Well, I didn’t exactly. She wanted to know why I suddenly decided to move back here, then Gabe started suggesting it was because of… well you.” Cas told him a little wary. 

Dean didn’t know how to respond to that. He liked to think that if his mother had been alive she would have appreciated her sons the way they were, but Dean never experienced anyone like that. Sam was the only one to ever pay attention to what happened in his life, but that was different. 

“So she started asking of course. Wanting to know why I haven’t told her about you, and I didn’t know what to tell her.” Cas continued, talking a bit faster like he was stressed about Dean’s reaction.  
Dean felt his heart sink at the comment. Maybe Cas was ashamed of him? They had spent a lot of time together over the past two weeks, but they hadn’t put a name on what they were. Sure they were lovers and friends, but they didn’t talk about it. 

“What do you mean?” Dean asked as he picked up the sandwich again. It was hard to chew the food, but he needed something to do with his hands. 

“Well, she wanted to know if you were my boyfriend, and when she could meet you. That kind of thing. Don’t worry I didn’t promise her anything.” Cas hurriedly said and was blushing again. 

“Did you say I was your boyfriend?” Dean asked voice so much calmer than he actually felt. 

“I… uh… Well… Gabe insisted on telling her that you spend a lot of time here, so she kind of assumed you were.” 

Dean drank the last of what was in his beer to try and buy some time. He usually left town before the issue of parents came up, and the one time it had, everything had gone straight to hell. He had dated a girl named Cassie. She was a firework and he really liked her, up until she started talking about bringing him home to meet her family. Dean didn’t really want to, but he didn’t want to break up either, he liked her. 

Just the memory of the skeptical looks and hard questions from her parents made Dean see that it was time he put some distance between him and Cas. Back then he had been a nineteen year old guy, a bit too cocky but already looking kind of dangerous. Everyone he met and that had the courage to tell him insisted that it was his eyes that gave him away. They were too pretty and too tired in a face that were too closed. 

“Um, well I guess that could be true.” Dean told the remaining of his sandwich. 

 

Dean had left Cas after they finished eating. The tension between them had changed and they both knew the conversation about Cas’ mother had made it that way. After just two days without Cas it became harder for Dean to focus. He started to flip through any newspaper to figure out whether his brother had shown up somewhere, he worked a lot more and he rarely visited the coffee shop. 

The weekend was too boring all alone now that Dean had let himself get used to having Cas around. To fill the silence and loneliness Dean found a bar and sat down looking at people playing dart and pool. He didn’t participate and he wasn’t disturbed at all. People left him alone, probably sensing he was trouble. For a moment Dean considered going for one of the big guys on the other side of the bar, he probably had a mean enough fist to make Dean’s head rattle and stop obsessing over Cas. 

The truth was he missed the guy. Missed his gentle smile, the slight blushing and the wildness in the bedroom. He was great at cooking and once he warmed up to you he talked about anything. Instead of getting into trouble Dean went home and tried to get some sleep. His room was cold and his pillow lumpy and smelled weird. A part of him was angry at himself for letting his guard down; now he even craved a fluffy pillow because of the guy!

 

A loud sound Dean couldn’t place made it into his sleeping world. He felt groggy and slightly hangover, but he was used to that. What he wasn’t used to was something waking him up; something resembling the sound of someone knocking on the door, but that wasn’t possible. The only person knocking on his door would be the landlady but she was out of town visiting her sister or something like that. Nobody knew where Dean lived; he had made sure of that. Nobody at work or in his social life. 

He didn’t want them to know that he lived in a barely furnished place in the cellar of an old house. All his money had gone to the institution where his brother had been, and since he had just recently stopped the payment to the place he had to stay where he was. Everything he had in there were stuff he had gotten because the landlady felt bad for him. 

Dean was on his feet in a flash and stumbled towards the door. Sammy knew his address. Dean had given it to him a long time ago. The thought of meeting his brother, to see if he was alright made Dean leap through the cramped living room, and over to the door. He ripped the door open and stopped. In front of his door was not his brother. It was nothing like Sammy, but a tiny redheaded girl with a concerned and angry look on her face. 

“Charlie?” Dean asked. 

“Hey, Dean.” She answered while her eyes roamed over his naked upper-body. His sweatpants hanging low on his hips. Dean reached behind the door where his jackets were and found a worn out hoodie and pulled it over his head. 

“What are you- How are you even here?” Dean asked her keeping the door almost closed. 

“I’m good with a computer.” She told him easily, but that didn’t make Dean feel any better.

“I don’t know what to say to that. What time is it?” 

Charlie rolled her eyes but told him it was noon and Dean wasn’t surprised. It had been quite late before he got to bed last night. 

“I see you are in a good shape.” 

“Why are you here?” Dean asked in a rude voice and Charlie gave him a dirty look. 

“I haven’t seen you in days, and Cas is sad again, so I had to come to you.”

“Again with the meddling!” Dean huffed at her. 

“Somebody ought to. You can’t treat him like that. A relationship isn’t about taking whatever you want and then run when you have to give something back.” 

Dean walked outside and sat down in the green grass by the stairs. It was already hot out, but Dean only heard the word “relationship” resound in his head. Over the past weeks he had spend with Cas he realized they had seemed like a couple. Everything they did screamed boyfriends. They made food, sat down bickering at the coffee shop, had lots of sex and spent all of their weekends together. Dean had just avoided putting a name on it. Like if he put a name on it, something was bound to go wrong. 

“I didn’t treat him badly.” Dean told Charlie as she placed herself beside him. 

“Yes you did. Even if Gabe is the one outing him to their mother he still wanted you to meet her. But you freaked and locked yourself away in… a cellar.” She glanced back at his door. 

Dean didn’t want to answer her. She wasn’t the one he was in a ‘relationship’ with so he didn’t owe her anything. Charlie thought otherwise. 

“Come on, Dean. What spooked you?”

“Just let me go inside to get dressed and I’ll go find Cas.” He resigned and stood up. Charlie did the same and followed him to the door. 

“You are not coming inside.” He told her and she pouted. 

“Yes, I am. I want to see where you live; I don’t care if it is in a cellar.” She said eyes wide. 

He opened the door and walked inside, not holding the door for her, but not closing it either. Dean hurried to the bathroom to get dressed and so he didn’t have to wait around and watch Charlie take in his place. After brushing his teeth he picked up his keys and headed for the door. 

“You coming?” He asked her and she turned around to follow him outside.

“You know, you don’t have to act all weird about where you live.” 

“I’m not weird. Just private.”

Charlie spent the entire walk telling him he shouldn’t be hiding in that place of his just because Cas and Gabe lived in their kind of luxury. Even if Dean never would admit it that was part of the reason he didn’t invite his new friends over. He had been enough with them to know all of them owned their places which all were nice. For Dean a home never had to be big and flashy to feel like a home. If Bobby’s place was anything to go by it definitely wasn’t about who had the finest house, because Dean had never known a place more homely than Bobby’s and the place was an absolute mess. 

It wasn’t hard to figure out where Cas would be. Gabriel’s coffee shop was busy and both brothers were working. Cas tensed up when he noticed Dean at the counter, but he didn’t refuse to talk to him.  
When Cas finally was able to get a break he came over to the table where Dean sat, but Dean stood up. 

“Mind if we go outside?” He asked and Cas just followed him without saying much. There was a park not far from the coffee shop where Dean and Cas had spent a lot of time together and they easily find their rhythm by each other’s side. When they stop Cas sat down on a bench looking at the hands in his lap while Dean started pacing back and forth in front of him. 

“Listen, Cas. I realized I messed up pretty good the other day.” He started and swallowed. Dean was really bad at this, he never had to bare his feelings to anyone. It went against everything he had worked for, the walls he had built to shield himself from anything, good or bad because Dean had learned that eventually everything was bad. 

“You do?” Cas asked after a long moment of silence. 

Dean sighed and sat down beside him. 

“I will only say this once.” He growled and stood up again frustrated that he was so nervous, frustrated that he couldn’t let go of this man. 

He had met people all over the country, but always been able to leave them behind without a hint of a bad feeling. It had been just a few days apart from Cas and he felt a pressure in his chest he didn’t recognize. He felt Cas’ intense eyes on him. 

“Fine. I know I screwed up, because I freaked out. I like spending time with you and feel bad about getting into this mess, but wasn’t ready to put a name on… what this is between us. Logically I know everyone around us sees us as a couple, but I didn’t put it in clear text.” Dean glanced up at Cas and the guy was looking at him still. He took a deep breath and told himself to stop being such a coward. 

“The only time I ever got to meet someone’s parents they decided I wasn’t good enough for their girl, and turned me away. I don’t want that to happen. I like…” He swallowed and fought the blush. “I like this… whatever we do. And I don’t want to stand in front of your mother just to realize she thinks I’m not what she wants for you.” Dean finished the last words so low he hoped Cas didn’t hear them. He had stopped pacing and couldn’t believe he had said all that. He definitely hadn’t meant to say the last part. 

Cas stood in front of him smiling with a blush in his cheeks.

“That was very sweet of you.” He said. 

“If you ever make me say it again or tell anyone, I’ll leave.” Dean threatened without real heat. 

“I mean, I think it’s too bad you don’t think you deserve this, because you absolutely do, but the rest of it was really… I’m glad to know what you feel.” Cas told him and Dean felt his stomach drop. The smile on Cas’ face told him it had been worth it. Feeling insecure about saying those things, and saying too much, it obviously made Cas happy. 

“Yeah. Let’s just… get out of here.” Dean suggested and Cas wrapped an arm around his waist as they started walking towards the apartment. Dean walked like he was sneaking into a house full of sleeping people. 

“Don’t strain yourself.” Cas teased and Dean tried to relax. He told himself this was totally normal, people did this all the time so if they could do it, then he could as well. 

Back at the apartment both men were almost desperate in their attempt to get each other naked. It was like they hadn’t seen the other for a year rather than a short, five days. The bed protested when they fell down on it, but they didn’t hear it over their beating hearts and heaving breaths. Dean let out a strangled moan when Cas, after teasing him for too long, finally pushed two fingers into him. He spent some time getting him ready with Dean’s face pressed down into the soft and familiar pillow. 

“Come on, Cas. Do it! Will you fuck me already!?” Dean panted out and noticed from the corner of his eye that Cas gripped one hand around the base of his cock to stave off the orgasm. He felt good about that; about Cas wanting him so much he could come untouched. 

When he finally pushed inside, a little too fast but so so good, Dean gripped the headboard and gasped for air. Cas didn’t stop to let him adjust, as soon as he bottomed out he pulled almost all the way out and pushed in again. His hands gripping tight at Dean’s hips as he thrust into him in a steady rhythm. Cas suddenly pulled out and rolled Dean over on his back. They hadn’t done that too often, Dean always felt uncomfortable in that position. With him on the back facing Cas who was on top of him. Now, though, they were too far gone. Both breathing hard and scrambling to be as close as possible. 

Dean could see it when Cas was close. As well as his thrusts lost a bit of their rhythm his face got all concentrated and Dean found that he liked that. Cas wrapped his long fingers around him and stroked him a few times and Dean threw his head back against the pillow as he spilled over himself and Cas’ hand. Cas almost collapsed over him when he followed after and came with a long moan against Dean’s chest. 

Dean spent the night with Cas for the first time and both of them woke up happy and shared the shower that morning. Dean felt like he was lighter, his steps were easy on the way to work and the long hours in the heat between the burning ovens went by so fast. After work he met up with Cas and Gabriel at the coffee shop and they often went out to have dinner together. Gabriel often complained about not being able to have his brother to himself, but they both knew that he was really happy that his brother was happy. 

Dean was glad he had Cas, that made his worries about his brother a bit easier. He didn’t have to sit around and obsess over not hearing from him, or from the police telling him to come see his brother. He fell into a routine where he went to work, met up at the coffee shop, spent time with Cas and Gabriel and often some of the other friends, then they went home to Cas, or sometimes he spent the night at his own place. It was pleasant feeling like he was a part of something, and for once he didn’t feel the urge to move because some of the people got too close. There was still a lot he didn’t share with any of them, but that was okay. 

One day after work Dean came into the shop and waved at Gabriel and Cas at the counter. He walked over to them and was given a plate with strawberry pie and grabbed a fork. 

“What do you think?” Gabriel looked expectantly at him. 

“You need something crunchy on this thing and then it’s perfect, man.” Dean groaned and took another bite. Gabriel chuckled and promised he would do that the next time. 

“Hey, Cas. When can we go? I want to try out that new Indian place down the street. Some guy at work promised it would be worth it for the funny language.” He said and Cas blushed when he turned around. His eyes wandered to a woman at the other end of the counter before he looked back at Dean. 

“Ten minutes.” He muttered. 

Dean frowned but concentrated on his pie again. Gabriel talked to the woman on the other side but he couldn’t hear what they said and he didn’t actually pay attention. He watched Cas clean off some of the counters and put away some of the cakes. He seemed a little stressed, but smiled when he looked up and noticed Dean was watching. When Cas took off his apron and came around the counter Dean stood up. 

“Long day?” He asked and before he could think about what he did he bent down and kissed the messy hair and felt Cas lean into the touch. 

“A bit, but I'm good now.” Cas said with his face red and voice low. Dean wondered briefly when they got so cute with each other. The woman stood up as Dean put his plate down on the counter where Gabriel stood with an excited grin. 

“I should probably warn you… my mother is here.” Cas said in almost a whisper the moment the woman stood in front of them. She smiled brightly at them both and reached out a hand. 

“Hello, my name is Hester and I’m Cas’ mother.” She said and Dean felt his stomach grew cold. 

Just because he knew it was expected his hand reached out to take hers and he told her his name. 

“I heard you were on your way to dinner. I could do with spices and a funny language.” Her grin looked a lot like Gabriel’s and Dean stared from her to Cas and then back again. She seemed easy, just curious, no judgment in her eyes or the way she smiled at them. 

“We would like that, Mrs. Novak.” Dean told her and heard Gabriel scoff behind him. 

“Call me Hester, please.” She said and motioned for them to head out in front of her. 

Hester was a woman who might look strict but who was just as happy and funny as Gabriel and considerate like Cas. While they ate chicken, curry and pita she asked about Dean and his life, wanted to know about his work and automatically sensed when there was walls she shouldn’t poke. Dean couldn’t hide his surprised laugh when she imitated the way their waiter talked as soon as they were outside the restaurant. Cas looked like he was used to it, but at the same time a little embarrassed. 

Dean was feeling good when they walked back to the apartment and Cas looked so relieved that he liked his mother that Dean wondered about how stressed out Cas must have been.  
His phone buzzed just before they reached their floor and Dean almost jumped at the sight of an unknown number. 

“Sammy?” He asked into the phone. 

“De… Dean?” His brother’s voice rasped. 

“Are you okay? Sam! Talk to me!?”

“I’m… I’m bl… bleeding.” He said in a strained voice and Dean recognized the feeling of panic as a bad taste in his mouth.


	7. I'm here for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean get to his brother and finds him in a run down place bleeding on the bed. After he helps him Dean need to decide what will be best for his brother

Dean stared ahead on the road. Cas was sitting by his side but they didn’t speak to each other. Dean had tried calming his brother down, but he was scared, and hurt. He had eventually told him where he was and Dean hadn’t protested too much when Cas insisted on coming with. He knew it probably was stupid bringing him when he didn’t even know what had happened to his brother. Cas would see how their life was, or at least part of what it had been before they let their dad.

“Sammy, tell me how bad it is. Where are you bleeding?”

Sam had stuttered something about a gash over his shoulder towards his chest, he had put pressure on, but it was still bleeding so much. The fear in his little brother’s voice almost made Dean want to cry, or throw punches, but he forced himself to stay calm.

“Now, you think you can keep pressure on until I get there, or do you have to go to the hospital?” Dean asked, voice much calmer than he felt. He absolutely ignored Cas’ insisting on Sam going to the hospital no matter what.

“How long till you get here?”

“About four hours, sorry Sammy.” Dean said and felt like shit for making his brother wait.

“Yeah, I’ll tie something around it and I think I’ll manage.”

“I’ll get there as fast as I can. Drink water.” Dean told him.

Now in the car with one hour left until they reached the small town where his brother was Dean really had time to regret that he didn’t force his brother to go to the hospital. He didn’t know how bad it was so maybe he was bleeding out on the bed by the time he got there. That thought scared Dean more than anything.

When Dean parked his car outside a rundown motel Cas just stared at him.

“Why are we here?” Cas looked around, scared to even go out. The place was really bad; no one except people who were criminals or totally broke came to these places. Dean didn’t tell him that he usually was a bit of both.

“Sam’s in the room furthest down.” Dean told him and opened the door. He walked around the car and scrambled around in the trunk, pulling out a green duffle bag which had seen better days. Cas came out of the car when Dean slammed the trunk shut.

“What’s in that?” He asked warily. Dean knew Cas wondered what kind of people they were, why Dean didn’t encourage his brother going to the hospital and staying at places which were for criminals or prostitutes.

“First aid stuff. I’ll probably need to stitch him up.” Dean said as he walked fast towards the door furthest away from the check-in. He knocked on the door firmly, four times, waited and did it again.

“Dean?” Came a weak response from the other side of the door and Dean started picking the lock to get inside. All the while he felt Cas’ gaze on him, but he couldn’t afford wasting time on explanation, figuring out what he might think, because his little brother needed him.

Inside the room smelled of blood and sweat as well as the musty smell that always lingered in this kind of places. Dean’s brother was on the bed, lying on his back with his light blue shirt stained with blood, his hair dirty and hanging in stripes across his forehead. Dean swore and was over by his side in a flash.

Sam seemed to struggle even getting his eyes open but Dean forced him to look at him.

“Sam, Sammy? Can you look at me?” Dean squeezed his hand and felt him squeeze back.

Slowly but surely his eyes opened and he tried to focus on his brother. Cas was still standing by the door, like he was frozen. Sam let out a low whimper of hurt.

“Shh, Sammy. I’m here now. I’m here for you.” Dean told him in a soothing voice.

“I need to look at your shoulder, it’s probably going to hurt like a bitch, but I have to.” Dean’s voice was calm and soothing as he helped Sam up into a sitting position. He almost tipped over, but Dean held him in place with one hand while he started peeling the shirt off with the other.

Cas didn’t like to admit it, but this seemed like something Dean had done before, he knew exactly what to say to his younger brother and his fingers worked confident and careful. Sam sat still and even if the hurt made sweat break out on his forehead his only gripped the back of Dean’s jacket, but never shied away. It looked surreal, the way these brothers worked like this kind of pain and mess was something normal to them. Cas felt like he wanted to throw up the moment he got a glimpse of the gash across the younger, but bigger, man’s shoulder. It was deep and most of the man’s left side was covered in blood.

“Ow, fuck, Dean!” Sam said voice hoarse like he had been screaming.

“We need to clean this before patching you up.” Dean said firmly before reaching out for his duffle with one hand, the other resting on the good shoulder to keep Sam steady. The tall man looked over his big brother’s shoulder and tensed.

“Dean… Did you bring someone, or am I… seeing stuff.” Sam asked almost in a whisper.

_Oh god no. Please tell me you aren’t back there. Tell me you know the difference between what’s really here and not, Sammy._

“You are not seeing stuff, Sammy. This is Cas. Remember I told you about him?” Dean asked looking intently at his brother.

“Yeah, yeah. I know. What’s he doing here?” He asked looking at his brother, trying to understand. They both knew how important it was to keep people away from this part of their life.

“Because I was with him when you called, and he wanted to help out. Now, drink this.” Dean handed him a bottle of whiskey and watched him take a long pull. Sam growled when he lowered the bottle and watched Dean take out the disinfectant. He lifted the bottle again. Dean looked over his shoulder at Cas.

“Cas, might need some help here.” He said and saw how he walked over on unsteady feet.

“You okay, man?”

Cas stared at him with wide eyes but didn’t answer. Dean worked neat and efficiently, another sign that this wasn’t exactly new, but it was a good thing. Cas helped holding Sam steady as he was about to pass out from both pain and whiskey. Dean rinsed his wound which was pretty deep. With a worried frown he wondered if they were going to need to get hold of some blood.

Dean gave Sam a belt to bite down on when he started to stitch him up. Sam tensed up and Dean knew he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs when he pushed the needle through his skin. No matter how sharp the needle was, this part hurt the most, so he made it his life’s mission to do it fast and good at the same time.

Even if Cas tried to hide it Dean could see how shocked he was. He didn’t have the time to deal with two patients so he focused on his brother’s injury. It was clear to him that the gash was from a knife and part of him was pissed off at the idiot who had done this and left his brother to bleed out. Another part of him knew that it just as well could have been Sam’s fault, and he briefly wondered what happened to the other one, if he got away or were lying dead somewhere.  
After patching him up Dean made him go back to sleep with painkillers and whiskey. He ignored Cas’ protest about that being a dangerous combination because knew that, but Sam needed some sleep without pain.

“What happened to him?”

“Someone coming at him with a knife.” Dean said putting back a few things into his duffle.

“What?” Cas hissed.

Dean stood up with a sigh.

“Cas, you know how I always keep the family stuff to myself?”

“Yes?”

“There’s a reason! This is the reason. The way we were raised, our whole life, we had to fight, steal and lie to even have food.” Dean looked at him with tired eyes.

“I don’t want to pull you into this, because its messed up, but I have to take care of my brother.” He insisted looking straight at Cas who seemed a little bit caught off guard by the whole thing.

“I won’t keep you here if you want to head back. I shouldn’t have let you tag along in the first place.” Dean muttered looking away from the man he had let into his life.

He heard Cas stand up from his chair and tensed his jaw. He waited to hear the door open and shut when Cas left him behind, because who in their right mind witnessed this kind of crazy and still stuck around? The silence in the room was almost too much and eventually Dean turned around and saw Cas standing behind him.

“I don’t want to leave, unless you want me to.” Cas said.

“I… what?”

“Do you want me to leave?” Cas asked directly, not even blushing.

“No. But that doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it does. Dean, the way you were raised isn’t your fault. Your father did. You have made a life for yourself, and for your brother, that’s what matters.” Cas said coming closer putting a hand on each side of his face.

“Yeah, been doing a great job it seems.” Dean whispered and motioned to the almost unconscious body on the bed. Cas pulled him down in a kiss.

“Hey, hey. We can figure something out.” Cas smiled a little and Dean leaned his forehead against his.

“Why are you so nice to me?” He whispered and gave in to the need for comfort and wrapped his arms around Cas. The hug was tight and Dean pressed his head down into his neck. Dean held him close to feel some of the tension slip away. He wasn’t alone, someone was here with him, and that someone was a precious guy with blue eyes and a reassuring smile.

Dean went out to get them something to eat and at the same time he bought the local newspaper and poked around a little to figure out if anything had gone down in this town. There was some talk about a guy being in a hospital after a fight, but he couldn’t know for sure.

When he came back both men sat by the table eating, left something for Sam and Dean searched through the paper. The guy in the hospital was obviously wanted by the police and would be kept for questioning and probably convicted for several things, amongst them theft, disturbances and he was even accused of rape. Dean gritted his teeth when he read that the police were searching for the other man in the fight and that they were confident they would find him because of his easy recognizable size. In other words, they knew who Sammy was.

“What are you going to do? Are you going to take him back to the institution?” Cas asked carefully.

Dean gave him a pained look.

“I don’t think I can do that. They want to press charges because he broke some dude’s nose and they take all my money. I need to figure something else out, meanwhile he should stay with me.” Dean said mostly to himself.

“Dean. Charlie told me about your place.” Cas began and met Dean’s pained and angry look.

“What about it?”

“How are you going to live there if you bring him with you?”

“We’ll manage. Believe me, that place is better than many rooms we had to stay in through the years.” Dean told him and didn’t see the sad look on Cas’ face.

Dean didn’t want to talk about it anymore, because as far as he knew, the most important thing was taking care of his brother.

After Sam woke up he had gotten some color back into his face, but he was still weak. Dean forced him to eat something and told him they needed to know what happened.

“He pulled out a knife on me.” Sam said.

“I know he did. What did you two fight about?”

Sam shook his head and leaned back against the pillows. He looked at his brother and then over at Cas. He swallowed and shook his head again. Dean tensed his jaw and sat down on the bed.

“The police have the other guy chained at the hospital, and they know who you are.” Dean said and decided to wait with the story. Cas being here made Sam a little unsure, and why wouldn’t he be? From they were kids they got drilled on the importance of never trusting anyone else than each other.

“Yeah, I know the police came and… the other guy couldn’t get up. I ran… away.” Sam said voice low like he was ashamed. Dean knew what that meant. Sam had probably beaten the guy until he was unconscious; the police coming was most likely the reason that the man was even alive. The thought was not unfamiliar to Dean, but it was still very unwelcome.

“How did you get away, Sam?” Dean asked. Sam’s shoulder must have hurt and he had been bleeding and probably scared and he had still managed to get away from the cops. The adrenaline might have played a part in that. Dean saw how Sam looked over at Cas again but Dean gave his brother an encouraging nod.

“Well… I ran, and when two of them followed I managed to trip one of them over and the other one… um… he got hold of my arm, but it was the bad one, so it hurt and like a reflex I punched him. He fell down.” Sam looked up at his brother like he was a kicked puppy, but Dean patted his knee.

“It’s fine.” He murmured with a beating heart, knowing they should get out of there as fast as possible.

Dean and Cas packed the few things in the room that belonged to Sam and put it in the car, then Dean wrapped an arm around his brother’s waist and supported him on their way outside. When they were a few steps away from the car a young woman approached them and stared openly at Sam.

“Are you okay?” She asked in a shocked voice and Sam tried to stand for himself. Dean frowned, but thought the woman was too small to do any real harm. Even if she told the police she saw them, they would be out of town by the time anyone could do anything.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He said with a small smile. But she probably wouldn’t say anything, Dean realized.

“I just… Sam, I wanted to thank you, you know for the other night.” She blushed a little and Dean watched them. She knew his name! Well, at least his brother had some fun once in a while.

“Yeah yeah… sorry I ran.”

“I understand. I tried telling them you didn’t do anything wrong, but nobody believed me.” She said stepping a little closer.

“I wanted to see if you were okay… All that blood!” She whispered and Sam’s head fell forward.

“I’m fine, Tanya.” He said and looked up in surprise when she put her warm hands on each side of his face. She smiled a little before leaning in and planted a chaste kiss on his lips.

“Thank you.” She whispered before stepping away.

They got into the car and was driving out onto the highway with Sam as shotgun and Cas in the back, before Dean spoke up.

“You really left an impression on that girl, Sammy.” He teased and Sam chuckled a little even if his cheeks took on a brighter color.

“So she’s the one you two were fighting over, huh?” Dean asked with a small smile as he looked back on the road. Sam shifted uncomfortably in his seat glancing quick in the mirror at Cas.

“We didn’t fight over her, Dean. He… bothered her the entire night, and then tried forcing her to…” He swallowed hard. “I couldn’t let him do that.” He whispered.

“I know Sammy, and he will hopefully think again before doing something like that.” Dean said to reassure his brother. He didn’t really believe that part, but if that made Sam feel better, he would say it.

“So how come she knew where to find you?” He asked instead.

“Um, she worked at that motel. Her father owned the place.” Sam said.

 

Cas wanted to have Dean and Sam staying with him at Gabriel’s place, but Dean insisted that they would be just fine and when they stopped to let Cas off, Dean got out of the car.

“Hey, Cas. It’s not that I don’t want to, but we probably need some time to settle down.” Dean motioned to the car where Sam was leaning heavily against the window.

“I understand.”

“Are you going to be okay? Now that you see what I have to deal with?” He asked, looking straight at him. Cas walked up to him until they were standing close face to face.

“I’m not going anywhere. And I want to come by tomorrow if that’s okay.”

Dean wanted to protest, but after Cas promising him he would get the address from Charlie if he didn’t give it to him he caved.

“Fine. Thanks.” Dean said hurriedly.

Cas smiled and leaned in to give him a light kiss.

 

Dean maneuvered the car back into traffic and headed for his place.

“So you are really together with that guy, aren’t you?” Sam asked.

“What?”

“Yeah, I saw your little kiss there.” Sam smiled and Dean rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

 

Dean got Sam settled into his small place and the boys soon found a routine they both was pleased with. Cas came by almost every day to see how they were and to show both brothers that he wasn’t freaked out about it all.  
Dean spent almost all of his time with his brother and didn’t go home with Cas, he didn’t take the chance on leaving Sam alone just yet. Sam tagged along to the coffee shop most days and Cas had been nervous what his brother’s annoying way of making fun of everyone would affect Sam. They didn’t have to worry because it seemed like Sam and Gabriel came along much better than anyone would have thought.

“I like Gabriel. He’s like you, Dean. He doesn’t see a person who’s weird or sick, he just walks over that and treats me like anyone else.” Sam smiled one morning around a mouthful of cereal.

“I’m glad you see it that way.” Dean answered dryly but smiled back.

“Hey, Dean. What are you going to do now? I mean… I did run away from that place.” Sam looked a little bit ashamed at that.

“Yeah, I resigned you from the place about a month ago. I think that in about three months I should be able to afford a bigger place we can stay in.”

“So you are going to let me stay with you?”

“Of course. But we have to talk about finding you a psychiatrist.”

“Do we have to?” Sam pouted.

“If you can tell me you honestly know how to control your anger, then you don’t have to.” Dean said and watched his brother's shoulders sink.

“I’m sorry, Sammy, but I think its best that way. You get to live with me and we can find you some work.”

Sam nodded and looked down at his food. Dean knew he wanted to say something so he just waited.

“They keep telling me there’s nothing they can do.”

“Yeah, Naomi told me they wanted you to stay there.” Dean said in a dark voice. “Like that was going to happen.” He muttered and didn’t see the slightly relieved smile on his brother’s face.

“But… Sam. Don’t get me wrong here. I really want you to stay here with me, so don’t you think it’s better for you to see a shrink now and again instead of something happening?”

“Why would something happen? I don’t see mum that much anyway.” Sam insisted.

“I know, and that’s not the biggest issue and you know that. Let’s face it; you almost killed that guy who hurt that girl, didn’t you?” Dean looked at his brother. They hadn’t talked about this after they got home, but Dean knew he was right when he saw the look on Sam’s face.

“He hurt her, he was going to rape her, right there in that alley!” Sam said raising his voice.

“I know, I know, and I’m glad you helped her, but you also know that killing the guy for it isn’t right.” Dean said. Sam nodded after a long moment in silence.

“If we find a shrink, can we also find a job for me then?” Sam gave him his puppy look and Dean couldn’t help but smile.

“I was hoping you would say that.”

Dean watched the smile on his brother’s face. All he ever wanted for him was that he felt normal, that he felt like people accepted him even if he had his struggles. Since Dean could remember he had lived for that guy, he had loved him with everything he had and whenever Sam was hurt, so was Dean. He was willing to do a lot to give him what he needed. If being here with Dean was what he needed, then he was going to make it work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will probably be the last. Hope you guys liked it, thanks for reading! Don't be afraid to tell me what you think :)


	8. Goodnight, Huggy bear

“Why can’t I borrow your car, Dean?” Sam pouted and stood beside the table in their small living room which also was the room Dean slept in since Sam had his bedroom. 

“Because, where are you even going?” 

Sam frowned and rolled his eyes.

“Since when do you need to know my every move?” 

“I just want to know you won’t do anything stupid.”

“Like what?” Sam demanded and Dean already felt bad for engaging. 

“Like… go back that town to meet Tanya or drive to the institution.” Dean told him 

Sam didn’t answer at once and just huffed when he marched past his brother and into the bathroom where he locked the door with a loud click.  
It had been three weeks since Dean got his brother home to his place and things had been good. Dean spent most of his time with Sam except when he was at work. Sam who loved books soon found his way to the library and Gabriel could tell Dean that his brother sat in his coffee shop for hours at a time, reading. 

Dean was happy about that, but he also knew his brother. He would get restless. Dean didn’t know what to do about that. Sam used to be good as long as he had his books, but he had been locked up at the institution for over a year, reading. Now that he finally was ‘free’ he should get the opportunity to look around. And Dean wanted that for Sam.

Deep down Dean knew why he didn’t want his brother to take his car; it was because then he would be able to get far away. To places where Dean couldn’t keep an eye on him. If their past was anything to go by then it was very clear that Sam was capable of handling himself with pretty much everything. Except if he got angry. 

Dean walked over to the bathroom door. 

“You finished hiding in there?”

“’m not hiding.” Sam said quietly. 

Dean considered leaving him there, but a part of this was familiar. Before, when they were kids, they would have a fight and then one of them would run into the bathroom so that they didn’t have to look at each other and start throwing punches. Living in such small quarters all their lives made this part of their thing, this thing that Bobby called survival. 

“Sammy. Just get out here.”

“I will. Soon.” He said and Dean thought he probably sat on the floor with his back against the door. 

“You know what. You can take the car; I won’t be using it anyway.”

“You are just saying that to be nice.” Sam muttered. Dean heard the accusation in his voice and sighed. 

“Yes.” He said. 

“You don’t want me to take the car.” Sam stated.

“No, but only because you just got here. You were lost for weeks and I couldn’t find you and when you call it is from a bed where you are almost bleeding out. I don’t want that to happen again.”

Sam was quiet for a long time but Dean didn’t move. He felt he could almost hear his brother’s mind working with sorting out his thoughts. 

“Are you mad at me?” He eventually asked. 

“I’m not mad at you, Sam. I was just worried.” 

“What did Cas say?” 

Dean took a deep breath. Cas. Dean was surprised the man hadn’t just run away, knowing what kind of place Dean was coming from. And he should know, Dean had tried hard enough to make him see what kind of person he was. Cas just stayed calm telling Dean he didn’t care that his father bad been a bad parent, that the important thing was that Dean was nothing like him. Dean had tried to tell Cas how he fought to save Sam from, well, anything. Meaning he had dragged him away when someone was beat up, or doing everything in his might to keep Sam with him. Including hiding from the police and forge documents to get him into schools or the institution. Dean was a master at lying. 

“Why are you insisting on this?” Cas had asked. 

“Because I’m not a person you should want to be associated with.”

Cas had been angry about that, his eyes shot daggers, and his cheeks turned red, he was absolutely beautiful when his temperament got a hold of him. That’s how he got a whole speech about how stupid it was of him to think that Cas would be bothered that Dean looked out for his brother. 

“Do you think I would have liked it better if you didn’t help him in that bleeding mess and sending him to jail instead?” He yelled and Dean walked over and put his arms around him. Cas had started out fine, but ended up yelling making Dean think there was something else behind it.

“Hey, Cas. Calm down.” Dean said and pulled the guy close. “What’s going on?” He asked and kissed the top of his head. 

“Nothing.” Cas muttered and pressed himself closer. Instead of talking they ended up in bed with heavy breathing and the intense feelings making it dirty and fast. Dean hadn’t gotten him to talk much after that, and he tried figuring out whether Cas was that angry with Dean for being too insistent, or if there was something else.

“Cas is good. He didn’t say much about it.” Dean told his brother, forced his thoughts back to the present. He heard his brother stand up on the other side of the door and he got up as well.

“Huh.” Sam said as he opened the door. 

Sam took the keys when Dean offered, he didn’t ask where his little brother was heading and he told himself almost every hour through that day to not worry so much. Dean knew he was doing better. They had found a psychiatrist which Sam liked and talked to at least once a week, usually more. 

When Sam came home that evening Dean had just gotten in. 

“Hey man.” He smiled. 

“Hi. Did you wait for me or something?” Sam narrowed his eyes. 

“No, I just got in. I’m not that paranoid.” Dean rolled his eyes. He didn’t ask where he had been thinking about how often Sam would snap in his teenage years when their father demanded to know where he had been. Instead they both settled with take-out in front of the tv. 

 

Sam got more and more included in Dean’s friends. He tagged along to quiz night, and he joined Gabriel’s parties as much as Dean did. When Dean decided to sleep over with Cas, Sam got the keys and went home to their small place. Dean had made Naomi at the institution send him Sam’s stuff telling her a whole story about Sam still being away but that he wouldn’t come back to her if he decided to contact Dean. He wanted to make sure they didn’t come looking for Sam at his home. After his stuff arrived, Sam made the place a home for himself as well as being Dean’s. 

One day when Dean came into the coffee shop after work, Sam stood behind the counter with Gabriel. The place was quiet and Gabriel was showing Sam how to make one of the coffees he loved so much. Sam was one big smile and Dean felt a tug at his heart. It was so rare that his brother looked this carefree. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m making a latte with soy milk and vanilla flavor.” Sam grinned and Dean chuckled. 

“Girly coffee.” He muttered and Sam huffed at him. 

“Don’t be like that, Dean-o. Your brother will at least try some of the amazing stuff I got brewing here.” Gabriel said with a grin. 

“You are just saying that to make him like you.”

“Yeah, well. You are stealing my brother then I’m stealing yours.” Gabriel smirked and Dean grinned back, but something was suddenly cold in his stomach. Sure Gabriel was joking around, but the way his hands lingered on Sam’s shoulder when he gave him an encouraging pat or that he stood just a bit too close made it seem like more. 

Dean sat down on one of the barstools by the counter and started to dig in from the piece of pie Gabriel put in front of him. 

“Gabe, can you show me how you make those awesome drawings in the foam?” Sam asked smiling brightly. 

Dean ate his pie while listening to their light flirting and watched how Gabriel occasionally would touch Sam. An arm around his waist or a hand sliding down his spine. Sometimes their hips would bump against each other and even if Gabriel looked so small beside his gigantic brother they seemed to like that. 

After watching them for a while, his heart beating hard, Sam turned around to show Dean the coffee he made and the clutter in the foam slightly resembling the letter ‘S’. Sam was so proud it was almost funny, but when he sat down next to Dean and started talking about something he saw in the library everything seemed normal. Dean kept an eye on Gabriel, but neither he or Sam were sharing any glances, they didn’t touch, and eventually Dean started thinking he had imagined it all. 

Cas came through the door with a wide smile and slammed a key on the counter in front of them. 

“I got it, I finally got my own place!” He said with a wide grin. Gabriel rolled his eyes and told him it was about time, Sam wished him good luck and Dean wanted to wrap his arms around him, but instead he just grinned back. 

Cas had narrowed it down to just three places and promised that he was going to decide. Dean had been with him to all of them before Sam called, but Cas had gone by himself since Sam came back. 

That night after Dean helped Cas move some of his stuff, including the bed they fell down on it and undressed. Dean kissed Cas wholeheartedly and let his lips wander over his body. Nipping at his nipples, kissing a trail down across his hipbones and licking a stripe over his hard cock. Cas arched his back and moaned of pleasure as Dean took him into his mouth. 

It wasn’t that he hadn’t done that before, but Dean hadn’t been the one to take his time. He couldn’t afford doing that, showing too much of himself. But somehow tonight, he needed this; he needed to show Cas this side of himself. The part he never let anyone see, the part that Cas had managed to lure out more and more lately. 

When he pressed his slick fingers to his entrance Cas sighed content and Dean let his finger rub over his puckered hole a few times before letting one inside. He took his time stretching him, knew he could go faster, that Cas wouldn’t mind. In fact, he was begging Dean to just do it already, but Dean wanted to take his time getting him ready, really appreciate it and when he finally sank into him they both let out a relieved sigh. 

Dean would never call it that, but Cas would refer to that night as ‘making love’ if they ever talked about it. Dean pushed into him in an endearing rhythm; Cas’ hands were clinging to his shoulders and Dean’s green eyes locked with the blue ocean in Cas. 

The kisses were soft and honest, just like the rest. There was nothing between them and they both knew that. Dean kissed his neck and his small gasps and moans were adding to the pleasure.  
When they were laying on the bed in a comfortable silence, Dean on his back with one arm under his head and the other splayed out to his side with Cas resting his head on his shoulder. Cas’ long fingers trailed small patterns over Dean’s chest and stomach and he occasionally planted light kisses below his ear or on his chest. 

“You are not going to run away, are you?” Cas said his husky voice sounding so unsure all of a sudden. 

“What? No, Cas. I’m planning on staying here tonight.” He said a little confused. 

“No, I mean are you going to stay with me, like the next month? In six months?” Cas asked almost in a whisper. 

“Where is this coming from? I like it here, so yeah, I’m not going anywhere.” Dean lifted his head to look at Cas.

“I don’t know. I just… With Sam here and how you were used to traveling across the country, not staying in the same town for long.” 

“Cas, I don’t want that. Never did. I just never felt like I belonged anywhere.”

“And now you do?”

“Yeah. I mean, I got you, I have gotten new friends. I even engage in conversations at work these days.” Dean huffed a laugh. Cas pressed himself closer and the silence came back. Dean started fondling with his hair.

“I watched Gabe feeling up my little brother today.”

Cas laughed at that. “Really?”

“I think so.” Dean chuckled even if he still didn’t know if he was okay with it. It was his brother, who first of all never had shown any interest in a guy before. Then there was the age difference, Gabe had a few years on Sam. And Sam still had a lot to deal with. Dean realized that having Sam living with him, with friends and people who liked him and where he got to do stuff he liked were much better for him. It still wasn’t easy, though, letting go of the control. 

“Well, Gabe’s a great guy. He might be a flirt and a goof, but he does know how to deal with people.”

Dean knew that as well. That was probably the only reason he became friends with them, because Gabriel knew how to talk to him to get him to respond.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Don’t worry. It might be nothing, maybe he was just doing the flirting thing that doesn’t mean anything, you know what he does to almost every customer.” 

“He said that since I had stolen you then he was going to steal Sammy.” Dean muttered but couldn’t help a smile when Cas started laughing again. 

Sam at least had looked so happy and it had been a long time since Dean saw him smile that wide. It made him feel a bit guilty, but at least he could be certain Sam was feeling good. Dean turned on his side and wrapped his arms around Cas. Without thinking he kissed his hair, not even realizing it had become one of his habits when showing affection to Cas. Cas pressed himself close to him and whispered goodnight into the dark room. 

“Goodnight, huggy bear.” Dean whispered.


End file.
